Here we are in 2011. I often take the start of a new year by reflecting on the last year. 2010 was full of ups and downs, mostly ups. Then I look at what I am lucky for in the present. I have a healthy body, a happy life, a great partner, amazing children, a beautiful house, enough food to eat, fantastic friends and a family that loves me. What more could someone ask for.
I know a lot of people take the new year to assign themselves resolutions. There is huge media hype around this phylosophy as well. Things like sign up for our gym and get a 20% discount, or join our weight loss program and avoid sign up fees, oh and these I love "make your new year's resolution to be driving in a new car". Yes because a new car is going to dramatically change my life... no not really! Anyone who works in the health and fitness industry knows that many people sign up in January for fitness memberships and classes but then by February or March the numbers dwindle. Do people lose motivation, do they get to their goal wieght or physique and go back to their old lifestyle? Or does life just get so busy that they can't handle another commitment?
I understand the need or desire for exercise and diet programs after the holidays. If you read my earlier post even I let go of real life during the Christmas season. We socialize more, we eat more, we drink more and because of all of these things sometimes exercise less. Of course all of these things will change the way your body looks and feels and may motivate you to make a new year's resolution to join a gym or weight loss program.
There are other resolutions that people try to do as well that take conscious long term effort. Things like trying to be neater, being nicer to others, spending less, decluttering and the list goes on. Some of these things are really hard to do. The big difference between these and the ones above is that there tends to be more support for weight loss and exercise than there is for "putting your keys away when you get home" for example. They still take effort just the same.
How about just being present instead of making a resolution? Going into January saying to yourself that I am going to be where I am. If you join a gym do it because you want to make a life change not a resolution. Change your diet because eating bad food is not good for your body, not only because you want to lose 10 pounds. Put your keys away every day because you are tired of losing them. (Maybe that's a good one for me). Yogi's believe that it takes 40 days to take a bad habit and change it into a good one. 120 days for the habit to become a part of you. This means that if you do something positive for 90 or 120 days or more the rest will come. It will no longer be a new year's resolution it will be who you are and something you always do. So when asked the question are you the type of person who puts their keys away you can say yes!
So this year I resolve not to make any resolutions. I'm not sure if I will pick up any new 120 day positive "habits", although putting away my keys sounds good. I do resolove to be present in what I do and why I do it. Not bein absent minded in my choices of the food I eat, the exercise I do or don't do and the list can go on. In fact being present is not really a resolution at all, it is something I strive for on a daily basis. So I will continue with this practice, after all it is working for me so far...
Namaste,
Jennifer
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Sunday, December 26, 2010
What happened to the Niyamas
I honestly think the Christmas/New Years season brings out the worst in me. I am trying to be non-judgemental about it and non-harming to myself about it but I can't help it.
A bit of review for those who may not know - the Yamas and Niyamas come from the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. You can find many translations into english if you are more interested. It basically outlines how a yogi can live. The yamas and niyamas are more detailed "codes of conduct". Kind of like the ten commandments in Christian religion. The yamas are things to abstain from and the niyamas are things to observe.
For me during the holiday season I could do more of the observances and, honestly my practice seems to fall to the wayside a little bit. The first Niyama - Shaucha: cleanliness of body & mind. Would not say my inner body stays clean, I definately drink too much. I'm not a lush or anything but my once in a while glass of wine is certainly more frequent. I also find a Christmas time I am eating things I don't normally. I am a vegetarian but Christmas day that goes out the window - I have bacon for breakfast that my dad cooks and then I have a small bit of turkey for dinner. Not to forget the million pounds of sweets and chocolates that I consume. The second - Santosha: satisfaction; satisfied with what one has. At a time when people are giving I sometimes think "oh wouldn't it be nice if we could have that". I am usually a very satisfied person. I am thrilled that I have a wonderful family, lots of food to each, roof over our heads. The third Tapas: austerity and associated observances for body discipline & thereby mental control. My yoga practice of mediation and asana goes straight out the window. It is like my vacation from work, having my family home and entertaining gives me some reason not to have time or not to take the time to practice. The last two Svadhyaya: study of the Vedic scriptures to know about God and the soul, which leads to introspection on a greater awakening to the soul and God within, and Ishvarapranidhana: surrender to (or worship of) God. One would think that on a very Christian holiday I would be reminded more to keep up on my readings and mediations. But no, again I feel lethargic and would rather sit and each chocolate and watch TV, surf the internet and play board games with my family.
I almost look at the Christmas season as a vacation from my real life. The sad part is that the "yoga portion" of my life, if you can seperate it, is the part that I love. I guess in life even when it is something you love, it is OK to take a break. I have a commitment to myself and my practice one that a week of laziness cannot break. Going back to yoga is not a new years resolution for me but a way of life that I love and enjoy! If it takes 40 days to create a new patern, it must take about that long to erase it from your life? Right!?
Maybe I should go practice now... yup... I think I will!
Namaste,
Jenni
A bit of review for those who may not know - the Yamas and Niyamas come from the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. You can find many translations into english if you are more interested. It basically outlines how a yogi can live. The yamas and niyamas are more detailed "codes of conduct". Kind of like the ten commandments in Christian religion. The yamas are things to abstain from and the niyamas are things to observe.
For me during the holiday season I could do more of the observances and, honestly my practice seems to fall to the wayside a little bit. The first Niyama - Shaucha: cleanliness of body & mind. Would not say my inner body stays clean, I definately drink too much. I'm not a lush or anything but my once in a while glass of wine is certainly more frequent. I also find a Christmas time I am eating things I don't normally. I am a vegetarian but Christmas day that goes out the window - I have bacon for breakfast that my dad cooks and then I have a small bit of turkey for dinner. Not to forget the million pounds of sweets and chocolates that I consume. The second - Santosha: satisfaction; satisfied with what one has. At a time when people are giving I sometimes think "oh wouldn't it be nice if we could have that". I am usually a very satisfied person. I am thrilled that I have a wonderful family, lots of food to each, roof over our heads. The third Tapas: austerity and associated observances for body discipline & thereby mental control. My yoga practice of mediation and asana goes straight out the window. It is like my vacation from work, having my family home and entertaining gives me some reason not to have time or not to take the time to practice. The last two Svadhyaya: study of the Vedic scriptures to know about God and the soul, which leads to introspection on a greater awakening to the soul and God within, and Ishvarapranidhana: surrender to (or worship of) God. One would think that on a very Christian holiday I would be reminded more to keep up on my readings and mediations. But no, again I feel lethargic and would rather sit and each chocolate and watch TV, surf the internet and play board games with my family.
I almost look at the Christmas season as a vacation from my real life. The sad part is that the "yoga portion" of my life, if you can seperate it, is the part that I love. I guess in life even when it is something you love, it is OK to take a break. I have a commitment to myself and my practice one that a week of laziness cannot break. Going back to yoga is not a new years resolution for me but a way of life that I love and enjoy! If it takes 40 days to create a new patern, it must take about that long to erase it from your life? Right!?
Maybe I should go practice now... yup... I think I will!
Namaste,
Jenni
Monday, December 20, 2010
Take a Compliment!
This past week-end I attended a Christmas Party that a friend and her partner were throwing at their house. I decided that since we had spent the night before with our two sons at a hockey game that I would bring just my daughter and have a "girls night".
Since it was a party I had Holly dressed up in her party dress and her party shoes. I put her hair up in a nice pony tail, she even let me brush it this time. She had super cute tights with a little ruffle on her bottom. With her party dress on she had a lovely pink sweater. Holly was so excited to go to the party that she had her coat on and was ready to leave before I was even ready.
I got my self ready as well. I wore a new shirt that I had bought for the occasion, put on some make up, painted my nails. I did my hair, I almost always wear a pony tail. I pull out my favorite Fluevogs, black Mary Jane shoes that I adore. I looked great!
We got to the party and Holly was shy at first but soon she was the life of the party. The older kids took very well to her and were happy to show her around, carry her and make sure she had food. They brought her to me when she asked for me and took her away when she was ready to play. The adults fussed over her, wanted to carry her and exlaimed how cute she was. Of course I think she's cute, she's my baby!
I had a lovely time. Much needed adult conversation - I spend my days with kids. I laughed, ate and had a glass of wine which I milked all night long. I saw some old friends and was very happy that I went.
As Holly and I were leaving. The host was holding her and told her she was beautiful. I said thank you for her. Then he said "just like your mommy". At that I said "well I think she looks a lot like her aunt". He then said something to me that I have been thinking about for two days. You are just like your friend (his partner) "can't take a compliment when it is deserved". As I said I have been thinking about this since he said it and he is right. I am thrilled when people compliment my children. Whether it is how adorable they are, how smart they are, talented, funny, sweet or nice. THRILLED to hear it. When someone compliments me, I don't know how to take it. I get embarassed and either deflect the conversation or put myself down. I know I am not alone in this.
I have been think alot about why people do this. In my case it is not an issue of self esteem. I know I am smart, funny, likeable, kind and great to be around. Beautiful inside I know but outside I am working on. It is the outside part that I have personal issues with. Like a lot of us again, my hair is too straight, my nose is to wide, I'm too short, my muscles are thick, my thumb is deformed (this is true), my breasts are too... I dunno I'm working on that one, my feet are too wide and my cesarean scar is too crooked. I am sure if I gave it time I could go on. But why? I could take all of those and switch it - my hair is soft and a beautiful natral colour, my nose is dignifying, I am a petite hight, I have a strong build, my thumb is original, my breasts have fed three babies, my feet are grounding and well the scar... birthed my baby boy and saved his life!
If we could take all these negative things we think about ourselfs and practice ahimsa (non-harming) and be kind to ourselves and positive with ourselves. If we took the word Namaste (the light within me recognizes the light within you) and believed it about others and ourselves, I think we might all be able to take a compliment a bit better. So John if you are reading this... thanks for the compliment - I am working on it!
Namaste,
Jennifer
Since it was a party I had Holly dressed up in her party dress and her party shoes. I put her hair up in a nice pony tail, she even let me brush it this time. She had super cute tights with a little ruffle on her bottom. With her party dress on she had a lovely pink sweater. Holly was so excited to go to the party that she had her coat on and was ready to leave before I was even ready.
I got my self ready as well. I wore a new shirt that I had bought for the occasion, put on some make up, painted my nails. I did my hair, I almost always wear a pony tail. I pull out my favorite Fluevogs, black Mary Jane shoes that I adore. I looked great!
We got to the party and Holly was shy at first but soon she was the life of the party. The older kids took very well to her and were happy to show her around, carry her and make sure she had food. They brought her to me when she asked for me and took her away when she was ready to play. The adults fussed over her, wanted to carry her and exlaimed how cute she was. Of course I think she's cute, she's my baby!
I had a lovely time. Much needed adult conversation - I spend my days with kids. I laughed, ate and had a glass of wine which I milked all night long. I saw some old friends and was very happy that I went.
As Holly and I were leaving. The host was holding her and told her she was beautiful. I said thank you for her. Then he said "just like your mommy". At that I said "well I think she looks a lot like her aunt". He then said something to me that I have been thinking about for two days. You are just like your friend (his partner) "can't take a compliment when it is deserved". As I said I have been thinking about this since he said it and he is right. I am thrilled when people compliment my children. Whether it is how adorable they are, how smart they are, talented, funny, sweet or nice. THRILLED to hear it. When someone compliments me, I don't know how to take it. I get embarassed and either deflect the conversation or put myself down. I know I am not alone in this.
I have been think alot about why people do this. In my case it is not an issue of self esteem. I know I am smart, funny, likeable, kind and great to be around. Beautiful inside I know but outside I am working on. It is the outside part that I have personal issues with. Like a lot of us again, my hair is too straight, my nose is to wide, I'm too short, my muscles are thick, my thumb is deformed (this is true), my breasts are too... I dunno I'm working on that one, my feet are too wide and my cesarean scar is too crooked. I am sure if I gave it time I could go on. But why? I could take all of those and switch it - my hair is soft and a beautiful natral colour, my nose is dignifying, I am a petite hight, I have a strong build, my thumb is original, my breasts have fed three babies, my feet are grounding and well the scar... birthed my baby boy and saved his life!
If we could take all these negative things we think about ourselfs and practice ahimsa (non-harming) and be kind to ourselves and positive with ourselves. If we took the word Namaste (the light within me recognizes the light within you) and believed it about others and ourselves, I think we might all be able to take a compliment a bit better. So John if you are reading this... thanks for the compliment - I am working on it!
Namaste,
Jennifer
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Paying it Forward
I heard of a guy the other day who helped an elderly woman who had run out of gas. He drove to the gas store in his truck and filled a jerry can and put gas in her car. Paid for the gas too. The term I heard after was that he was "paying it forward".
The term "pay it forward" I think gained momentum with a movie in the '80's with Helen Hunt and Kevin Spacey and some little kid. I have been hearing it an awful lot lately everytime someone does something nice for someone else. I am however finding myself questioning the whole concept of "paying it forward". I mean why can't we just be nice for the sake of being nice. To me the idea of paying it forward is just the same as paying it back. It almost seems like if you do something nice for someone else that eventually the expectation is there that you will get something nice done for you in return.
I personally just like to do nice things for people because I can and it feels good to do a "good deed". I drove my neighbor to her church the other day after it snowed. Not because I think someone is going to do something nice for me later or because I am going to get into heaven or find samadhi. But because it was really cold, there was a lot of snow, she's in her 60's and doesn't drive!
Don't get me wrong I don't think the idea of paying it forward is bad it is just the overlying concept that you might have something done nice for you in the future. I think we would be better off if we were present in our actions and just did nice things for people. Just "paying IT" not forward or back. Being present in the nice things that we say or do. Noticing how it makes us feel and how it makes the other person feel. I think if we were nice to other people and gave more of ourselves and what we have because we accept that we are rich in our own hearts and lives then this over all would make us all better in the long run.
So next time you do something nice for someone else think about being present in your gift. Don't do it because they did something nice for you or because eventually someone else might do something nice to you. Just "pay IT".
Shanti,
Jenni
The term "pay it forward" I think gained momentum with a movie in the '80's with Helen Hunt and Kevin Spacey and some little kid. I have been hearing it an awful lot lately everytime someone does something nice for someone else. I am however finding myself questioning the whole concept of "paying it forward". I mean why can't we just be nice for the sake of being nice. To me the idea of paying it forward is just the same as paying it back. It almost seems like if you do something nice for someone else that eventually the expectation is there that you will get something nice done for you in return.
I personally just like to do nice things for people because I can and it feels good to do a "good deed". I drove my neighbor to her church the other day after it snowed. Not because I think someone is going to do something nice for me later or because I am going to get into heaven or find samadhi. But because it was really cold, there was a lot of snow, she's in her 60's and doesn't drive!
Don't get me wrong I don't think the idea of paying it forward is bad it is just the overlying concept that you might have something done nice for you in the future. I think we would be better off if we were present in our actions and just did nice things for people. Just "paying IT" not forward or back. Being present in the nice things that we say or do. Noticing how it makes us feel and how it makes the other person feel. I think if we were nice to other people and gave more of ourselves and what we have because we accept that we are rich in our own hearts and lives then this over all would make us all better in the long run.
So next time you do something nice for someone else think about being present in your gift. Don't do it because they did something nice for you or because eventually someone else might do something nice to you. Just "pay IT".
Shanti,
Jenni
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Memories of Christmas
I struggle with Christmas in so many ways. I am not a scrooge or anything like that. I find Christmas stressful and frustrating. I hate that my family insists on buying me things that I don't want or need. Even though I tell them to just enjoy, get something extra for the kids or donate it - it never seems to work. Then of course I feel bad either returning the item or sending it to charity, as my family has spent hard earned money on the said item that I didn't want or ask for in the first place.
I love the part about Christmas where we go and cut down a tree from a tree farm as a family. Even the years where the kids are crying and not having a particularly awesome time. I am still able to find the joy in these traditions. We all know that at the end, once we have chosen our tree, taken a family photo, chopped it down and hauled the blessed thing out of the bush - there is hot chocolate and homemade cookies waiting at the end. I know the kids will love and remember this part!
I also love that every year much to my partner's chagrin I invite a slew of people over to our house for some kind of Christmas cheer. This year it seems that I have inlcuded a range of people all living in our neighborhood who don't have family in town. They will be here for Christmas eve. I have asked that they all bring a non perishable food item for the food bank. My neighbor and her family rent a sleigh and ride through the area collecting food so out there we will be with our many guests enjoying the horse drawn sleigh through our urban neighborhood giving to those in need.
The family part is also a favorite. Since I was little we have spent Christmas with my dad's family. Even now that my grandmother has passed away almost 8 years ago now we still keep the tradition. I don't know a lot of people who are still close to their cousins and aunts and uncles into adult hood but we are very close. All together spouses and kids included we make a huge family of 14 people plus one dog and 4 cats. We have a great time and really enjoy it. We like it so much that the whole group of us get together again on New Year's day and do it all up again!
My children love Christmas. We play into the make believe of Santa and have a lovely modest Christmas and Santa brings gifts and fills their stockings. They always hear bells on the roof and Santa never disappointes by drinking his hot chocolate and eating his cookies. I love the magic of Christmas that I witness in the eyes and spirit of my children.
I am passing on to my children that Christmas is about the wonderful smells made by me for a month or so by the many treats I make a freeze, that it is about lots of family and friends about traditions and it is about magic. I want them to realize when they become my age that it is not about all the stuff that you have to buy or that you want to get...
Christmas for me seems to contradict my big attachement to non-attachement as well as to moderation. It is a lot of overabundance and a lot of stuff all at once. How do I balance it all...
Hari Om
Jennifer
I love the part about Christmas where we go and cut down a tree from a tree farm as a family. Even the years where the kids are crying and not having a particularly awesome time. I am still able to find the joy in these traditions. We all know that at the end, once we have chosen our tree, taken a family photo, chopped it down and hauled the blessed thing out of the bush - there is hot chocolate and homemade cookies waiting at the end. I know the kids will love and remember this part!
I also love that every year much to my partner's chagrin I invite a slew of people over to our house for some kind of Christmas cheer. This year it seems that I have inlcuded a range of people all living in our neighborhood who don't have family in town. They will be here for Christmas eve. I have asked that they all bring a non perishable food item for the food bank. My neighbor and her family rent a sleigh and ride through the area collecting food so out there we will be with our many guests enjoying the horse drawn sleigh through our urban neighborhood giving to those in need.
The family part is also a favorite. Since I was little we have spent Christmas with my dad's family. Even now that my grandmother has passed away almost 8 years ago now we still keep the tradition. I don't know a lot of people who are still close to their cousins and aunts and uncles into adult hood but we are very close. All together spouses and kids included we make a huge family of 14 people plus one dog and 4 cats. We have a great time and really enjoy it. We like it so much that the whole group of us get together again on New Year's day and do it all up again!
My children love Christmas. We play into the make believe of Santa and have a lovely modest Christmas and Santa brings gifts and fills their stockings. They always hear bells on the roof and Santa never disappointes by drinking his hot chocolate and eating his cookies. I love the magic of Christmas that I witness in the eyes and spirit of my children.
I am passing on to my children that Christmas is about the wonderful smells made by me for a month or so by the many treats I make a freeze, that it is about lots of family and friends about traditions and it is about magic. I want them to realize when they become my age that it is not about all the stuff that you have to buy or that you want to get...
Christmas for me seems to contradict my big attachement to non-attachement as well as to moderation. It is a lot of overabundance and a lot of stuff all at once. How do I balance it all...
Hari Om
Jennifer
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Letting Go...
I am noticing a pattern with some of my blog posts as well as some of the philosophy of yoga that I love - non-attachment. I guess it's because I am not very good at it. I wish I could be but so far not so great. Sure I can get rid of clothes that don't fit so well or shoes that I don't love. But sentimental items that belonged to my grandmothers or were given to me by some long lost relative or friend I could do better. Recently the big one that keeps coming up for me is old relationships.
I am of an age where I have had lots of different kinds of relationships in my life. Friends, lovers, colleagues that kind of thing. I don't let go of friends or ex's very well. I am one of those people in a relationship who when she says "let's stay friends" I meant it and hold to it. My boyfriend from high school/university and I still chat with each other every couple of months and I love that. I was genuinely excited for him when he told me his and his girlfriend were having a baby and then a while later when they got engaged. I still hold a spot in my heart for him and want to know and hear that he is happy and doing well. I have another old boyfriend that I speak to every so many months and it is great. We chat on the phone as if there hasn't been many years, children and relationships that have happened. Again I am happy for him when he is happy and sad for him when he is sad. Both of these men hold a certain place for me and I can't fully let it go.
I have had as any grown ups do friendships that have ended either because of circumstances or deliberately and I think about them often. It bothers me that a relationship that has been nurtured, cared for, laughed over, cried with and been silly with would end. These are the people that you can't call and say - "hey wanna grab a coffee". These are the ones I can't let go of. I have one in particular that ended almost 5 years ago. We were great friends and lives an priorities changed and along with it our personalities and other things. Within that a misunderstanding and very different perspectives on what happened. I have tried so many things to let this person go. I have meditated, I have cried, I have written letters never to be sent, I have imagined saying goodbye, I have sent them loving kindness (this actually worked for a couple of months). Something happens, either a song or a photograph or a mutual acquaintance will ask how they are and boom - I feel like I am at square one.
Stuff is easy to let go of. I can give it away, throw it out or donate it. Feelings, emotions and relationships - those are hard.
Namaste,
Jenni
I am of an age where I have had lots of different kinds of relationships in my life. Friends, lovers, colleagues that kind of thing. I don't let go of friends or ex's very well. I am one of those people in a relationship who when she says "let's stay friends" I meant it and hold to it. My boyfriend from high school/university and I still chat with each other every couple of months and I love that. I was genuinely excited for him when he told me his and his girlfriend were having a baby and then a while later when they got engaged. I still hold a spot in my heart for him and want to know and hear that he is happy and doing well. I have another old boyfriend that I speak to every so many months and it is great. We chat on the phone as if there hasn't been many years, children and relationships that have happened. Again I am happy for him when he is happy and sad for him when he is sad. Both of these men hold a certain place for me and I can't fully let it go.
I have had as any grown ups do friendships that have ended either because of circumstances or deliberately and I think about them often. It bothers me that a relationship that has been nurtured, cared for, laughed over, cried with and been silly with would end. These are the people that you can't call and say - "hey wanna grab a coffee". These are the ones I can't let go of. I have one in particular that ended almost 5 years ago. We were great friends and lives an priorities changed and along with it our personalities and other things. Within that a misunderstanding and very different perspectives on what happened. I have tried so many things to let this person go. I have meditated, I have cried, I have written letters never to be sent, I have imagined saying goodbye, I have sent them loving kindness (this actually worked for a couple of months). Something happens, either a song or a photograph or a mutual acquaintance will ask how they are and boom - I feel like I am at square one.
Stuff is easy to let go of. I can give it away, throw it out or donate it. Feelings, emotions and relationships - those are hard.
Namaste,
Jenni
Monday, November 22, 2010
Eating Habits
I'm trying to get on track with the way me and my family eat. I think this would fall under the bramacharya ideal. Moderation as well as the ahimsa since I follow a vegetarian diet (95%) of the time.
I recently said to my partner that I had noticed since we moved to our new house that our eating habits weren't as good as they used to be. He noticed it too and thought that it seemed to coincide with moving, closing my day care and the car accident. Three major events in my life caused me to stop meal planning and cooking. Now when I say we haven't been eating as well we aren't gorging ourselves on junk food and pop. We just aren't as conscious about how we eat and what.
I used to be really great and at the end of the week I would meal plan everything for the next week. This made grocery shopping easy, cheap and left the guess work out of "what are we going to eat today". I always knew when something had to be taken from the freezer or extra made to use as leftovers. For the last year or so it has been a throw together of whatever we have. I skip meals or eat the same thing day after day - which is often toast! I lived on toast for years when I was single... "do you KNOW how many things to you can do with toast"!!! At lunch time I make nice nutritious and delicious meals for my kids and I have toast or a handful of nuts and maybe some chocolate chips for energy. Oh and I am constantly sucking back a mug of some kind of tea - herbal or non.
So I have decided to put a stop to the eating on the fly. I meal planned for this week and we will see how it goes. The kids really liked lunch and so did I. Supper was not a huge hit, but I liked it. Let's see how tomorrow goes. I can say there is something comforting in knowing that the next meal is not a mystery. I have everything to make it and I can even prepare some things in advance. This makes a busy mom of three, who runs a home day care (again) and her own small business (prenatal), cooking/eating life so much easier. Oh and healthier too! Less waste and cost effective - win win I think!
Namaste,
Jenni
I recently said to my partner that I had noticed since we moved to our new house that our eating habits weren't as good as they used to be. He noticed it too and thought that it seemed to coincide with moving, closing my day care and the car accident. Three major events in my life caused me to stop meal planning and cooking. Now when I say we haven't been eating as well we aren't gorging ourselves on junk food and pop. We just aren't as conscious about how we eat and what.
I used to be really great and at the end of the week I would meal plan everything for the next week. This made grocery shopping easy, cheap and left the guess work out of "what are we going to eat today". I always knew when something had to be taken from the freezer or extra made to use as leftovers. For the last year or so it has been a throw together of whatever we have. I skip meals or eat the same thing day after day - which is often toast! I lived on toast for years when I was single... "do you KNOW how many things to you can do with toast"!!! At lunch time I make nice nutritious and delicious meals for my kids and I have toast or a handful of nuts and maybe some chocolate chips for energy. Oh and I am constantly sucking back a mug of some kind of tea - herbal or non.
So I have decided to put a stop to the eating on the fly. I meal planned for this week and we will see how it goes. The kids really liked lunch and so did I. Supper was not a huge hit, but I liked it. Let's see how tomorrow goes. I can say there is something comforting in knowing that the next meal is not a mystery. I have everything to make it and I can even prepare some things in advance. This makes a busy mom of three, who runs a home day care (again) and her own small business (prenatal), cooking/eating life so much easier. Oh and healthier too! Less waste and cost effective - win win I think!
Namaste,
Jenni
Monday, November 8, 2010
Cleaning the space
For those who have known me really well and have been into my bedroom they will quickly see that I love clothes. I love new clothes, I love old clothes, I love clothes that have sentimental meaning, I love clothes that are comfortable, I love clothes that are vintage and clothes that look good and even some that don't. Well I am starting to let go.
For those of you who read an earlier post about my painting woes this still continues but before we paint we must purge! Yes! Purge! I painted my dinning room and there was not much stuff in there to get rid of. I had some items on my buffet to sort through and put away and some papers to throw away but not much. What do you keep in a hall way - nothing so nothing to get rid of there. Our family room was pretty much the same it contains a treadmill, a sofa, a small table and kids chairs and two small shelves with kids toys and art stuff. Not much purging there - but a bit of re-organizing. I will be painting our basement and bedrooms soon so I let the purging BEGin...
I started in my closet. I love my closet, I sand the praises of my closet when we bought this house. It is a rather modest walk in with lovely shelves and racks and drawers for all my things. The problem was that I had so many things in this walk in that it was more of a walk around. I was RUTHLESS! If I hadn't worn it in a couple of years, it was stained, faded or just plain yucky and out of style I threw it in the pile. I had pants I bought when I was pregnant for my first of three children that I loved. They served me well through three pregnancies and with the handy drawstring waist through three post-partum periods - done - and gone. I had t-shirts that I have owned and been wearing since high school! Yes high school, I am not 17 anymore - add about 20 years! GONE! I had skirts and sweaters from styles gone in the late 80's early 90's GONE! It started to feel so good I went into my extra dresser. Yes I have two dressers. Again I was ruthless, if it didn't fit right, never fit right, and was never going to fit right I got rid of it! If it was not pretty and I did not love it, I got rid of it! I even discovered some things I thought I had thrown away that fit now and are lovely - that was a treat! By the time I was done our hallway was a HUGE pile of clothing. My husband came up and ask "what is all of this". He was so excited that he joined in the fun and added a few things. When we were all said and done we had 2 extra large garbage bags of clothing to donate.
I was so excited and felt so free. I could see all the spaces in my closet. I could see all the clothes that I love and want to wear. I did still hold on to a few things. I have a sweater that is old and ratty but it was my mom's and I love it. I have another sweater that I have worn once but it was my grandmothers and it smells like her. I did keep a few suits because I never know if I might go back to that kind of job again. My favorite little black dress... I honestly think it might fit again very soon and I LOVE this dress and it's matching shoes and purse!
Now I feel ready to paint our bedroom but what colour and when. I may even be content to keep it as is. I now feel like purging the rest of our house. I did a bit in the kitchen today and want to tackle our basement next. Funny thing is, when I look around I don't see that much clutter but when I dig deep I find it. I think the mind is very similar. When I look on the surface of what I think is me and how I am and think everything seems quite normal and even. Then I dig deep through yoga practice and mediation and realize that there is a lot of clutter and un-necessary things that need to be swept out. Dealt with, managed, come to terms with and tossed. The freedom from cleaning our physical space, can be paralleled with cleaning our mental space.
Have you cleaned your space lately?
Namaste,
Jenni
For those of you who read an earlier post about my painting woes this still continues but before we paint we must purge! Yes! Purge! I painted my dinning room and there was not much stuff in there to get rid of. I had some items on my buffet to sort through and put away and some papers to throw away but not much. What do you keep in a hall way - nothing so nothing to get rid of there. Our family room was pretty much the same it contains a treadmill, a sofa, a small table and kids chairs and two small shelves with kids toys and art stuff. Not much purging there - but a bit of re-organizing. I will be painting our basement and bedrooms soon so I let the purging BEGin...
I started in my closet. I love my closet, I sand the praises of my closet when we bought this house. It is a rather modest walk in with lovely shelves and racks and drawers for all my things. The problem was that I had so many things in this walk in that it was more of a walk around. I was RUTHLESS! If I hadn't worn it in a couple of years, it was stained, faded or just plain yucky and out of style I threw it in the pile. I had pants I bought when I was pregnant for my first of three children that I loved. They served me well through three pregnancies and with the handy drawstring waist through three post-partum periods - done - and gone. I had t-shirts that I have owned and been wearing since high school! Yes high school, I am not 17 anymore - add about 20 years! GONE! I had skirts and sweaters from styles gone in the late 80's early 90's GONE! It started to feel so good I went into my extra dresser. Yes I have two dressers. Again I was ruthless, if it didn't fit right, never fit right, and was never going to fit right I got rid of it! If it was not pretty and I did not love it, I got rid of it! I even discovered some things I thought I had thrown away that fit now and are lovely - that was a treat! By the time I was done our hallway was a HUGE pile of clothing. My husband came up and ask "what is all of this". He was so excited that he joined in the fun and added a few things. When we were all said and done we had 2 extra large garbage bags of clothing to donate.
I was so excited and felt so free. I could see all the spaces in my closet. I could see all the clothes that I love and want to wear. I did still hold on to a few things. I have a sweater that is old and ratty but it was my mom's and I love it. I have another sweater that I have worn once but it was my grandmothers and it smells like her. I did keep a few suits because I never know if I might go back to that kind of job again. My favorite little black dress... I honestly think it might fit again very soon and I LOVE this dress and it's matching shoes and purse!
Now I feel ready to paint our bedroom but what colour and when. I may even be content to keep it as is. I now feel like purging the rest of our house. I did a bit in the kitchen today and want to tackle our basement next. Funny thing is, when I look around I don't see that much clutter but when I dig deep I find it. I think the mind is very similar. When I look on the surface of what I think is me and how I am and think everything seems quite normal and even. Then I dig deep through yoga practice and mediation and realize that there is a lot of clutter and un-necessary things that need to be swept out. Dealt with, managed, come to terms with and tossed. The freedom from cleaning our physical space, can be paralleled with cleaning our mental space.
Have you cleaned your space lately?
Namaste,
Jenni
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Yoga and Kids
I used to think of my yoga practice as a time that I could be on my own. Now that I am a busy mother of three with a regular practice it is simply time. I was practicing in my space yesterday morning and it was good. You know when you get into the groove and the practice just flows. You don't have to think about the postures they just happen. Your body is feeling good and it moves with your mind. If you haven't experienced this yet, don't worry with lots of practice you will.
Where was I... oh yes my lovely flowing practice... My middle child Reilly wanders into the living room and starts jumping around. Of my three children he has the most energy. He stands in one spot and bounces regularly and I love it. If he were a Pooh character he would definitely be Tigger! I try my first step at shooing him away to no avail. So then I get him doing some postures - he is usually good for two or three and then he gets bored. It was time for me to get on the floor. Now Reilly thinks it is time to wrestle and be silly. I think to myself, how can I use this to my advantage. He now becomes a wonderful support in my practice. Some of those forward folds and child's pose are enhanced with a bit of weight so I tell him where to sit or lie down and it is perfect. He is laughing and giggling over how silly this is and I am getting some great adjustments and help at getting deeper into my posters. We are also having so much fun together!
My next thought is how do I get a nice little savasana in here? With bouncy giggly Reilly this might be impossible but let's be present and try. So I lie on the floor and have him on top of me so he too is facing up. I tell him to pretend he is a sleep and to try to be absolutely still. He was loving the rise and fall of my belly and how it made him rise and fall too. His arms were wide open and unsupported and he thought that this was fun. I loved that we were having a little bonding moment in our savasana. Not as relaxing as it normally is but I loved it just the same.
Practice with your kids around. You never know what you might learn.
Namaste,
Jenni
Where was I... oh yes my lovely flowing practice... My middle child Reilly wanders into the living room and starts jumping around. Of my three children he has the most energy. He stands in one spot and bounces regularly and I love it. If he were a Pooh character he would definitely be Tigger! I try my first step at shooing him away to no avail. So then I get him doing some postures - he is usually good for two or three and then he gets bored. It was time for me to get on the floor. Now Reilly thinks it is time to wrestle and be silly. I think to myself, how can I use this to my advantage. He now becomes a wonderful support in my practice. Some of those forward folds and child's pose are enhanced with a bit of weight so I tell him where to sit or lie down and it is perfect. He is laughing and giggling over how silly this is and I am getting some great adjustments and help at getting deeper into my posters. We are also having so much fun together!
My next thought is how do I get a nice little savasana in here? With bouncy giggly Reilly this might be impossible but let's be present and try. So I lie on the floor and have him on top of me so he too is facing up. I tell him to pretend he is a sleep and to try to be absolutely still. He was loving the rise and fall of my belly and how it made him rise and fall too. His arms were wide open and unsupported and he thought that this was fun. I loved that we were having a little bonding moment in our savasana. Not as relaxing as it normally is but I loved it just the same.
Practice with your kids around. You never know what you might learn.
Namaste,
Jenni
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Old and New... attachment issues.
I recently received Toyota magazine in my mailbox. First of all who ever knew that Toyota had it's own magazine, I didn't. I was intrigued by an article about an old Toyota Celica that this woman had owned for many years and still loved. This inspired me to write about my own Toyota experience and of course how it relates to yoga!
My husband and I have two Toyota's. The first is a 1997 Toyota Rav4 which I bought about a year before we met. It is white, it is small still has a tape deck. The clock works sometimes and sometimes not. When you go over a bump you feel it, and the radio goes on or off depending... The seat belt doesn't always re-tract but a good tug will make it happen. I have been in two accidents with her, one that was my fault and one that wasn't. Her steel construction is amazing and to quote the police officer after I was hit "they don't make 'em like that anymore: She has been to Newfoundland, Nova Scotia, PEI and back as well as many road trips along the way. Occasionally she won't start but if you talk to her really nicely and stroke the dash after a few minutes she goes. She has never, ever let us down and is tried and true. Truth be told even though she is almost 14 years old and this is old for a car, I love her to death. You could say I am a little attached. She holds many, many memories from me from my single days, to married with children days and lots of other memories in between.
We recently had to have the little girl repaired. She has needed not much in her life. We replaced the gas tank a few years ago and she has had regular oil changes. New tires once and breaks once or twice. This repair was big, she needed brakes, rotors, and a very expensive new clutch. We struggled with what to do. We were not ready to get another new car (I'll get to that soon) and repairs are still cheaper than buying something new, another used car would put us into the same boat. So we bit the bullet and fixed her. I still love the feel of her when I drive. Her stick fits perfectly in my hand and the clutch still responds when I need it to. She is still what I prefer to drive.
On the other hand we have a 2011 Toyota Sienna. This is our family car. It fits our three children plus friends. Has a plug in for the Ipod and a CD player but I still use the radio. The climate control is amazing and you do feel in control. The seats stow and go for easy transportation of big shopping trips to the grocery store or Ikea. It too has been to Newfoundland, PEI and Nova Scotia - not to much else yet. You don't have to make sure the key is still in the lock to roll up the windows. It has a remote to lock and unlock the doors. Tons and tons of cup holders and storage. You would think that with a new car I would love it, I hate to say it but I don't.
You may say that maybe I'm just not a mini-van person and maybe that's right. I think there is more. I like the unpredictability of the Rav4, I love that she's been around the block and I have to listen to her needs. I think that my car is a reflection of me and with that a reflection of my practice. Sometimes I just don't drive her as fast as I could because she is older and needs a rest, she has had injuries that affect how she handles. I certainly wouldn't say that I am older and need a rest, but I do have some injuries that affect how I practice. I practice ahimsa with my little girl, my Rav, and try not to push her to hard. We don't take really long car trips (2 hours is about as far as I will go). Her new clutch is kind of like a repaired injury. We have repaired one spot but the engine is still old so I need to be careful.
My attachment issues are what gets me. I never thought I would get attached to a car but I totally am. Just the thought of her dying and having to trade her in or sell her makes my stomach churn. I know realistically that we can't keep her forever and that eventually I will have to let Baker's take her away for parts or whatever it is that they do... but I'm going to hold on as long as I possibly can. I know that attachment is not the yogic way but I just can't help it. Is it realistic to replace an entire engine when that finally goes.... maybe I can drive her forever...
Hari Om,
Jennifer
My husband and I have two Toyota's. The first is a 1997 Toyota Rav4 which I bought about a year before we met. It is white, it is small still has a tape deck. The clock works sometimes and sometimes not. When you go over a bump you feel it, and the radio goes on or off depending... The seat belt doesn't always re-tract but a good tug will make it happen. I have been in two accidents with her, one that was my fault and one that wasn't. Her steel construction is amazing and to quote the police officer after I was hit "they don't make 'em like that anymore: She has been to Newfoundland, Nova Scotia, PEI and back as well as many road trips along the way. Occasionally she won't start but if you talk to her really nicely and stroke the dash after a few minutes she goes. She has never, ever let us down and is tried and true. Truth be told even though she is almost 14 years old and this is old for a car, I love her to death. You could say I am a little attached. She holds many, many memories from me from my single days, to married with children days and lots of other memories in between.
We recently had to have the little girl repaired. She has needed not much in her life. We replaced the gas tank a few years ago and she has had regular oil changes. New tires once and breaks once or twice. This repair was big, she needed brakes, rotors, and a very expensive new clutch. We struggled with what to do. We were not ready to get another new car (I'll get to that soon) and repairs are still cheaper than buying something new, another used car would put us into the same boat. So we bit the bullet and fixed her. I still love the feel of her when I drive. Her stick fits perfectly in my hand and the clutch still responds when I need it to. She is still what I prefer to drive.
On the other hand we have a 2011 Toyota Sienna. This is our family car. It fits our three children plus friends. Has a plug in for the Ipod and a CD player but I still use the radio. The climate control is amazing and you do feel in control. The seats stow and go for easy transportation of big shopping trips to the grocery store or Ikea. It too has been to Newfoundland, PEI and Nova Scotia - not to much else yet. You don't have to make sure the key is still in the lock to roll up the windows. It has a remote to lock and unlock the doors. Tons and tons of cup holders and storage. You would think that with a new car I would love it, I hate to say it but I don't.
You may say that maybe I'm just not a mini-van person and maybe that's right. I think there is more. I like the unpredictability of the Rav4, I love that she's been around the block and I have to listen to her needs. I think that my car is a reflection of me and with that a reflection of my practice. Sometimes I just don't drive her as fast as I could because she is older and needs a rest, she has had injuries that affect how she handles. I certainly wouldn't say that I am older and need a rest, but I do have some injuries that affect how I practice. I practice ahimsa with my little girl, my Rav, and try not to push her to hard. We don't take really long car trips (2 hours is about as far as I will go). Her new clutch is kind of like a repaired injury. We have repaired one spot but the engine is still old so I need to be careful.
My attachment issues are what gets me. I never thought I would get attached to a car but I totally am. Just the thought of her dying and having to trade her in or sell her makes my stomach churn. I know realistically that we can't keep her forever and that eventually I will have to let Baker's take her away for parts or whatever it is that they do... but I'm going to hold on as long as I possibly can. I know that attachment is not the yogic way but I just can't help it. Is it realistic to replace an entire engine when that finally goes.... maybe I can drive her forever...
Hari Om,
Jennifer
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Learning Life's Lessons
Life's lessons are things we often don't pay much attention too. For example if a person in our life consistently treats us a certain way that we don't like, yet we continue to allow it to happen. Or if we know that a certain food or drink always makes us feel sick but we still consume them regardless. Some of us have certain behavior patterns that are either habitual or social that we again know are bad for us but yet we continue to exercise these behaviors.
There are so many teachings around us that can help us learn from others. The Buddhist teachings, many yogic teachings and biblical teachings and even children's story books. They will teach us to be kind to ourselves, kind to each other, don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, don't eat too much, don't take too much and be happy with what you have. All of these valuable teachings that some of us either ignore or forget.
If we ignore the teachings that have been instilled upon us as children then how can we pay attention to the teachings from our own life's experience. It is so important to stay present and connected to our experiences. Reflect either through mediation or physical practice on these experiences and note - was that experience positive or negative? If I do that same thing again will it always have the same negative or positive outcome. I know for example that when I meditate regularly I sleep better, I am calmer and can more easily make decisions and have less drama in my life. When I don't I eat poorly, sleep poorly and feel more stress.
These learned results are packed in so many of our experiences. If we just took the time to stop, listen and feel we could become more connected with ourselves, with others and with our experiences. We may learn more about ourselves and others around us. We could even lead ourselves and others towards more happy experiences. Especially if we learned from negative experiences and let that behaviour go.
Namaste,
Jennifer
There are so many teachings around us that can help us learn from others. The Buddhist teachings, many yogic teachings and biblical teachings and even children's story books. They will teach us to be kind to ourselves, kind to each other, don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, don't eat too much, don't take too much and be happy with what you have. All of these valuable teachings that some of us either ignore or forget.
If we ignore the teachings that have been instilled upon us as children then how can we pay attention to the teachings from our own life's experience. It is so important to stay present and connected to our experiences. Reflect either through mediation or physical practice on these experiences and note - was that experience positive or negative? If I do that same thing again will it always have the same negative or positive outcome. I know for example that when I meditate regularly I sleep better, I am calmer and can more easily make decisions and have less drama in my life. When I don't I eat poorly, sleep poorly and feel more stress.
These learned results are packed in so many of our experiences. If we just took the time to stop, listen and feel we could become more connected with ourselves, with others and with our experiences. We may learn more about ourselves and others around us. We could even lead ourselves and others towards more happy experiences. Especially if we learned from negative experiences and let that behaviour go.
Namaste,
Jennifer
Monday, October 18, 2010
Circle of Life
When I teach savasana or copse pose in class I always remind practitioners to follow with fetal position and that getting up is re-birth. Our yoga practice in itself can be representative of the circle of life.
I have blogged about my grandmother before so you may know that she has Alzheimer's. Well she is also 87 and has been having strokes over the last month or so. Additionally we suspect that she has also had a heart attack. Since she does have advanced Alzheimer's and is not in great health there is a do not recessitate order should she be close to death. When that point comes it will be more about keeping her comfortable and less about keeping her alive.
I am watching my grandmother become almost as dependent as my own children where when they were babies. If my grandfather could see her now it would break his heart. She was a woman who was married to a military man and that means that she was also married to the military and the way of life. She raised her children on various army bases across the country, while her husband was either fighting a war in Korea or on military training missions God knows where. She raised her five children in strange cities, practically a single parent.
When my mother became pregnant with me at the age of 17 my grandmother and grandfather stepped up. They allowed my mother and me to live with them and my grandmother became my caregiver. In essence my second mother. As a child I had two mothers and referred to both of them as mommy. How lucky was I to have two women to live with and care for me and support me. This relationship continued my entire life.
Now as the eldest of my two mother's slips away first with Alzheimer's and now with her strokes I am not sure what to think. I am very much at peace with the fact that she is going to die soon. I have told her over and over how much I love her. Even now when she is not entirely sure who I am, I still tell her I love her. Now it is my turn to care for her and keep her comfortable. I visit as much as I can and I bring my children to see their grand-nan. She lights up for them sometimes and other times she just sits and stares, I am sure wondering who these children are?
When we look at ahimsa or non-harming, it is right to allow someone to suffer in order to die naturally? However ending a life would not be practicing asteya or non-stealing as it is not for humans to decide when someone should go. We all have something to fulfill on this earth. I am not sure how to practice non-attachment with someone you love so much. I am ready to let her go, but does this mean I am not attached? How do we practice saucha - my thoughts about death and dying are not pure. I like to believe that we all have our time but is it right to allow people to suffer in order to die naturally? I look at just some of the yamas and niyamas and I am conflicted.
I have peace in knowing that when she lies down for her final savasana she too will be at peace. Perhaps this is the Samadhi or the union with bliss that we all look for. Can we find this in the life we live or is it only during our final relaxation that this occurs? I am sure that in these questions I ask nothing new.
I wish, that as a teacher I could guide my grandmother as I guide so many students. To tell her that she can lie down and relax, close her eyes. Tell her that she is safe and that everything is going to be all right. Tell her that she can accept what ever is coming and remind her to let go... her Samadhi is waiting...
Om
I have blogged about my grandmother before so you may know that she has Alzheimer's. Well she is also 87 and has been having strokes over the last month or so. Additionally we suspect that she has also had a heart attack. Since she does have advanced Alzheimer's and is not in great health there is a do not recessitate order should she be close to death. When that point comes it will be more about keeping her comfortable and less about keeping her alive.
I am watching my grandmother become almost as dependent as my own children where when they were babies. If my grandfather could see her now it would break his heart. She was a woman who was married to a military man and that means that she was also married to the military and the way of life. She raised her children on various army bases across the country, while her husband was either fighting a war in Korea or on military training missions God knows where. She raised her five children in strange cities, practically a single parent.
When my mother became pregnant with me at the age of 17 my grandmother and grandfather stepped up. They allowed my mother and me to live with them and my grandmother became my caregiver. In essence my second mother. As a child I had two mothers and referred to both of them as mommy. How lucky was I to have two women to live with and care for me and support me. This relationship continued my entire life.
Now as the eldest of my two mother's slips away first with Alzheimer's and now with her strokes I am not sure what to think. I am very much at peace with the fact that she is going to die soon. I have told her over and over how much I love her. Even now when she is not entirely sure who I am, I still tell her I love her. Now it is my turn to care for her and keep her comfortable. I visit as much as I can and I bring my children to see their grand-nan. She lights up for them sometimes and other times she just sits and stares, I am sure wondering who these children are?
When we look at ahimsa or non-harming, it is right to allow someone to suffer in order to die naturally? However ending a life would not be practicing asteya or non-stealing as it is not for humans to decide when someone should go. We all have something to fulfill on this earth. I am not sure how to practice non-attachment with someone you love so much. I am ready to let her go, but does this mean I am not attached? How do we practice saucha - my thoughts about death and dying are not pure. I like to believe that we all have our time but is it right to allow people to suffer in order to die naturally? I look at just some of the yamas and niyamas and I am conflicted.
I have peace in knowing that when she lies down for her final savasana she too will be at peace. Perhaps this is the Samadhi or the union with bliss that we all look for. Can we find this in the life we live or is it only during our final relaxation that this occurs? I am sure that in these questions I ask nothing new.
I wish, that as a teacher I could guide my grandmother as I guide so many students. To tell her that she can lie down and relax, close her eyes. Tell her that she is safe and that everything is going to be all right. Tell her that she can accept what ever is coming and remind her to let go... her Samadhi is waiting...
Om
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Ahhh paint drying
I have recently been on a painting binge. Last week I decided to paint my dinning room. I borrow some samples from a friend to paint on the wall. She has great taste and I liked the samples she had painted on her wall, so I thought... why re-create the wheel. Alas no, her colour choices were not right for my space. Off to Home Depot I went, chocolate brown was the quest. The choices for chocolate brown at Home Depot are endless. You could spend hours in a chocolate brown frenzy. I did not have that kind of time, that and I had two children with me. I purchase three samples at almost $4 each and home I went, samples and brush in hand.
Brown number one was too red it reminded me of PEI sand or the colour of a rusty bike. The second choice was much to pale, more like a chai latte from Bridgehead. The third with the name of ganashe was the perfect chocolate brown for my dinning room.
I used to be a horrible painter so I bought really great tape and vowed to be careful. Cover the floors, use a ladder and not so thick with the paint. On the chocolate brown went, it was beautiful. I felt like I was creating art. My roller went left to right and up and down and I loved it. My edges were flawless, my strokes flowed in that moment a great painter was born. OK back to reality I was just painting my dinning room but the results where better than expected. I had it done in less than 24 hours. I replaced my furniture and hung my curtains and pictures. The room looks awesome and I love it.
Of course the beautiful dinning room was christened that day. We had some friends over and we drank martini's (really bad ones made by me), some beer and pizza. We hung out in our dinning room and never left. When a room is that cozy you hang out in it!
Two days later I found my self at home depot again. Now my hallway and adjoining family room must be painted. I've hated the dreadful mint green since we first came to look at the house. I again bought three samples and used the samples I had. Alas none of these would be what I chose. I had lots of chip samples which I started comparing and fussing over. I finally made friends with and peace with potter's clay. Again I was up for the marathon painting expedition. I was again amazing in finishing this room and a half in less than 24 hours. Did I mention I went to work in between... The thing with this room is that potter's clay is as boring as clay sounds. It looks dull and gray. I am 90% of the time, the person to find the positive but this one is giving me some grief. It has improved in that I got rid of the horrid mint green, and it looks clean. It is not a disgusting colour that makes you point and laugh. Instead it looks drab and I hate it!!!
So now I wonder what would a yogi do? I have thought positively on the paint, I have been non-attached to the previous colour and was happy to let it go, I am certainly not attached to the new colour. Maybe I should have practiced more aparigraha and not been grasping for everything all at once. I could have been happy with the beautiful dinning room that I love. Been patient and waited for the colour that I loved. Been present and become one with the mint green?
Or maybe I can just paint over it....
Hari Om
Jenni
Brown number one was too red it reminded me of PEI sand or the colour of a rusty bike. The second choice was much to pale, more like a chai latte from Bridgehead. The third with the name of ganashe was the perfect chocolate brown for my dinning room.
I used to be a horrible painter so I bought really great tape and vowed to be careful. Cover the floors, use a ladder and not so thick with the paint. On the chocolate brown went, it was beautiful. I felt like I was creating art. My roller went left to right and up and down and I loved it. My edges were flawless, my strokes flowed in that moment a great painter was born. OK back to reality I was just painting my dinning room but the results where better than expected. I had it done in less than 24 hours. I replaced my furniture and hung my curtains and pictures. The room looks awesome and I love it.
Of course the beautiful dinning room was christened that day. We had some friends over and we drank martini's (really bad ones made by me), some beer and pizza. We hung out in our dinning room and never left. When a room is that cozy you hang out in it!
Two days later I found my self at home depot again. Now my hallway and adjoining family room must be painted. I've hated the dreadful mint green since we first came to look at the house. I again bought three samples and used the samples I had. Alas none of these would be what I chose. I had lots of chip samples which I started comparing and fussing over. I finally made friends with and peace with potter's clay. Again I was up for the marathon painting expedition. I was again amazing in finishing this room and a half in less than 24 hours. Did I mention I went to work in between... The thing with this room is that potter's clay is as boring as clay sounds. It looks dull and gray. I am 90% of the time, the person to find the positive but this one is giving me some grief. It has improved in that I got rid of the horrid mint green, and it looks clean. It is not a disgusting colour that makes you point and laugh. Instead it looks drab and I hate it!!!
So now I wonder what would a yogi do? I have thought positively on the paint, I have been non-attached to the previous colour and was happy to let it go, I am certainly not attached to the new colour. Maybe I should have practiced more aparigraha and not been grasping for everything all at once. I could have been happy with the beautiful dinning room that I love. Been patient and waited for the colour that I loved. Been present and become one with the mint green?
Or maybe I can just paint over it....
Hari Om
Jenni
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Free from judgment.
I am taking a more present approach to life and I must say I like it. I am learning to let go of fear and judgment and I think I like that even more! I was at a guitar lesson a couple of weeks ago and I had a mini freak out. I had been practicing every day in the privacy of my own living room. I had not played in front of anyone yet and when my teacher and I sat down so I could play what I had been working on I froze. I couldn't do it very well, or not as well as I had been. I stuttered I stammered I fell over the notes and apologized saying "I haven't played in front of anyone before". He said the most appropriate thing "I'm not here to judge you"! With those simple words I was able to let go. Smiling at fear and judgment and saying to myself right! I'm not here to judge myself either. I am here, in my lesson, in my life and in living my yoga, to learn. After all if I were already an expert I wouldn't need to be here right!
We often step on to the yoga mat and are trying to impress someone or do better than someone, sometimes that someone is ourselves. Some people look at the cute girl or the hot guy or maybe our teacher and try to be perfect in a posture so it will impress them. Or maybe thinking to ourselves, I could touch my head to my knees yesterday I should be able to do it today - watch me! Our disappointment when the girl or the guy or our teacher doesn't notice. As well the discouragement when today is different and we can barely reach our feet. We do this on the mat and off. Trying to impress someone or be better than them. Judging others as better, equal or beneath.
I strive to let go of the judgment, be that on the mat, in my guitar playing, my cooking, my children, or walking down the street. I am practicing being the witness. Witnessing my breath, my movement, my feelings. I am learning more about who I am and why I do things a certain way just by witnessing and observing. The fear I felt when having to play what I had learned, I witnessed and observed - I needed and wanted to be perfect for my teacher. Reality is, he doesn't care. I am sure it is better for him to listen to pleasant music, that isn't broken up, off tune, or just really bad. However he is there because people want to learn and he's a good teacher. I am sure if he wanted to hear good music he would go to a concert, turn on his iPod or play it himself.
Reminding my students and reminding myself that our yoga practice and our daily life can be free of judgment. So what if the girl beside you can touch her head to the floor or the guy next to you has perfect posture. If we leave our judgments at the door when we pracitce on the mat we can bring that freedom into our lives and into our world.
Thank you teacher for the lesson!
Namaste,
Jenni
We often step on to the yoga mat and are trying to impress someone or do better than someone, sometimes that someone is ourselves. Some people look at the cute girl or the hot guy or maybe our teacher and try to be perfect in a posture so it will impress them. Or maybe thinking to ourselves, I could touch my head to my knees yesterday I should be able to do it today - watch me! Our disappointment when the girl or the guy or our teacher doesn't notice. As well the discouragement when today is different and we can barely reach our feet. We do this on the mat and off. Trying to impress someone or be better than them. Judging others as better, equal or beneath.
I strive to let go of the judgment, be that on the mat, in my guitar playing, my cooking, my children, or walking down the street. I am practicing being the witness. Witnessing my breath, my movement, my feelings. I am learning more about who I am and why I do things a certain way just by witnessing and observing. The fear I felt when having to play what I had learned, I witnessed and observed - I needed and wanted to be perfect for my teacher. Reality is, he doesn't care. I am sure it is better for him to listen to pleasant music, that isn't broken up, off tune, or just really bad. However he is there because people want to learn and he's a good teacher. I am sure if he wanted to hear good music he would go to a concert, turn on his iPod or play it himself.
Reminding my students and reminding myself that our yoga practice and our daily life can be free of judgment. So what if the girl beside you can touch her head to the floor or the guy next to you has perfect posture. If we leave our judgments at the door when we pracitce on the mat we can bring that freedom into our lives and into our world.
Thank you teacher for the lesson!
Namaste,
Jenni
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Back to school
Last week started a series of back to schools for my family. My seven year old started grade two. My five year old started a combination of kindergarten and home schooling. I started taking guitar lessons again.
Grade two seems to be a bit of a mix of happy and sad for Liam. He was so happy to see all his friends again and get back into a routine. He has not been so happy about leaving home every morning to go there. I think grade two must be a coming of age time for boys as well. Liam is learning more and more about compromise with free play and his friends. He is also learning the rewards of hard work both at school and at home. He is starting to chose his friends more on commonalities, rather then just because our mom's are friends. I am optimistic that this will be another good school year for Liam and that he will enjoy and absorb. He is changing so much right before my eyes, I want to savor it all.
Reilly met his teacher and went to school one day this week. He loved his one day but is still holding fast to only going "one, maybe two days a week". This is fine with me. We have established a home school program and system that is working really well for him. He often goes on to do more than he has been asked to do and I am trying to give him the types of tasks that he enjoys. I am learning more about my son than I ever had just by having him do simple learning at home with me. We are spending time together. Not always working together, as he is amazing independently, but we are side by side. He is even teaching his little sister a few things. I am proud of myself for holding my ground and putting his wishes first. He knows himself what he needs and wants more than anyone.
Holly is noticing that her brothers are busy and doing different things. She is wanting to go on the bus in the morning with Liam and asking to go to school. I am going to start a more structured schedule for her and I during the day as well so that she doesn't miss her brothers so much.
As the boys have started their school work I am again taking guitar lessons. My mother bought me a guitar when I turned 16 and I never really learned to play it. I learned chords and scales and that was about it. To my own disappointment I never took the opportunity to learn from an ex boyfriend who played all the time. In the past few months I have been practicing chords and strumming but finally decided to take actual lessons. I love it! My teacher is amazing and I learned more from him in one lesson then I ever have. In the afternoon I practice and whenever I get a free moment. I practice as much as I can in front of the children as well. Watching a parent learn something is important for kids I think. I hope that they can see me learning something new and realize that you are never too old and that we are constantly learning and taking things in.
I am amazed at how much learning the guitar is similar to my yoga practice. I need to listen to my body. Take rests when needed. Breathe, and stay in the moment. If I make a mistake I need to be present, let it go and move on. Not be attached to the mistake but look forward to what is next. The biggest thing for me is the practice. I have worked it into my evening routine of yoga, pranayam, meditation, some more gentle postures, and then I practice the guitar. I am so enjoying this time in the evening and my sleep is even improving.
Reilly and Liam are both talking about taking music lessons as well which is great! I had Reilly in the music store the other day picking up some new guitar picks and he was asking to buy a guitar or a set of drums. Friends of ours have a piano and Liam has shown some amazing ability and interest in that. Perhaps the three of us can start a band....
Enjoy the sweet sounds of music,
Namaste,
Jenni
Grade two seems to be a bit of a mix of happy and sad for Liam. He was so happy to see all his friends again and get back into a routine. He has not been so happy about leaving home every morning to go there. I think grade two must be a coming of age time for boys as well. Liam is learning more and more about compromise with free play and his friends. He is also learning the rewards of hard work both at school and at home. He is starting to chose his friends more on commonalities, rather then just because our mom's are friends. I am optimistic that this will be another good school year for Liam and that he will enjoy and absorb. He is changing so much right before my eyes, I want to savor it all.
Reilly met his teacher and went to school one day this week. He loved his one day but is still holding fast to only going "one, maybe two days a week". This is fine with me. We have established a home school program and system that is working really well for him. He often goes on to do more than he has been asked to do and I am trying to give him the types of tasks that he enjoys. I am learning more about my son than I ever had just by having him do simple learning at home with me. We are spending time together. Not always working together, as he is amazing independently, but we are side by side. He is even teaching his little sister a few things. I am proud of myself for holding my ground and putting his wishes first. He knows himself what he needs and wants more than anyone.
Holly is noticing that her brothers are busy and doing different things. She is wanting to go on the bus in the morning with Liam and asking to go to school. I am going to start a more structured schedule for her and I during the day as well so that she doesn't miss her brothers so much.
As the boys have started their school work I am again taking guitar lessons. My mother bought me a guitar when I turned 16 and I never really learned to play it. I learned chords and scales and that was about it. To my own disappointment I never took the opportunity to learn from an ex boyfriend who played all the time. In the past few months I have been practicing chords and strumming but finally decided to take actual lessons. I love it! My teacher is amazing and I learned more from him in one lesson then I ever have. In the afternoon I practice and whenever I get a free moment. I practice as much as I can in front of the children as well. Watching a parent learn something is important for kids I think. I hope that they can see me learning something new and realize that you are never too old and that we are constantly learning and taking things in.
I am amazed at how much learning the guitar is similar to my yoga practice. I need to listen to my body. Take rests when needed. Breathe, and stay in the moment. If I make a mistake I need to be present, let it go and move on. Not be attached to the mistake but look forward to what is next. The biggest thing for me is the practice. I have worked it into my evening routine of yoga, pranayam, meditation, some more gentle postures, and then I practice the guitar. I am so enjoying this time in the evening and my sleep is even improving.
Reilly and Liam are both talking about taking music lessons as well which is great! I had Reilly in the music store the other day picking up some new guitar picks and he was asking to buy a guitar or a set of drums. Friends of ours have a piano and Liam has shown some amazing ability and interest in that. Perhaps the three of us can start a band....
Enjoy the sweet sounds of music,
Namaste,
Jenni
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Yoga and Meditation
Lately I have been doing a lot of reading about meditation. I have been to retreats and loved the group meditations and the quiet meditations I can experience on my own. I am often up at 5 - 5:30 on a retreat while everyone sleeps so I can sit in silence, something I can't do at home with my three children. Recently I attended a yoga and meditation class. I do have a regular mediation practice, although not as regular as I would like. It was so nice to sit and feel the meditative energy of other people. If you are a regular meditator or have not done it before it is something I recommend.
Meditation is an integral part to a complete yoga practice. Almost like breakfast being the most important meal of the day. So many people come to yoga practice and they only do postures and forget the rest of it. Yoga has so many limbs - 8 in fact. Meditation being such an important piece of the pie. For those who already "do it", they would recognize when they are sitting and when they are meditating. If meditating you will lose your senses, forget what happened. My favorite part of the meditation practice is when the bell rings and I realize that I was gone... Fully aware but gone.
One of my first real meditative experiences was when I was preparing for the birth of my second child. I had planned a home birth and wanted the best thing I could do. I already had a regular and strong yoga practice and in fact continued teaching until a few weeks before the birth. I felt I needed and wanted a bit more. I started practicing hypnobirthing. I had read about it and until the practice took affect I did not realize that it was deep meditation. When it was time for birth I practiced my mediation and did some postures. The birth was amazing and almost pain free.
When I sit now and meditate and it doesn't feel like it is working. I remind myself to be present. To listen to my breath. To not worry too much about where my mind is wandering. I don't try to ignore the itch that happens first on my shoulder, then my leg and then my back. I know that my body does this every time and if I give it time the itches will go away and my mind will settle. It will settle just as it did when I gave birth, just as it always does.
Sometimes it doesn't work right away. This is why they call it a practice. I have learned to sit with it. I have worked out so many problems this way. I know if it really is a problem or just drama I have created just by sitting with it. Sometimes the solution comes, sometimes I need to sit with it some more.
Sit with it and be present.
Hari Om,
Jenni
Meditation is an integral part to a complete yoga practice. Almost like breakfast being the most important meal of the day. So many people come to yoga practice and they only do postures and forget the rest of it. Yoga has so many limbs - 8 in fact. Meditation being such an important piece of the pie. For those who already "do it", they would recognize when they are sitting and when they are meditating. If meditating you will lose your senses, forget what happened. My favorite part of the meditation practice is when the bell rings and I realize that I was gone... Fully aware but gone.
One of my first real meditative experiences was when I was preparing for the birth of my second child. I had planned a home birth and wanted the best thing I could do. I already had a regular and strong yoga practice and in fact continued teaching until a few weeks before the birth. I felt I needed and wanted a bit more. I started practicing hypnobirthing. I had read about it and until the practice took affect I did not realize that it was deep meditation. When it was time for birth I practiced my mediation and did some postures. The birth was amazing and almost pain free.
When I sit now and meditate and it doesn't feel like it is working. I remind myself to be present. To listen to my breath. To not worry too much about where my mind is wandering. I don't try to ignore the itch that happens first on my shoulder, then my leg and then my back. I know that my body does this every time and if I give it time the itches will go away and my mind will settle. It will settle just as it did when I gave birth, just as it always does.
Sometimes it doesn't work right away. This is why they call it a practice. I have learned to sit with it. I have worked out so many problems this way. I know if it really is a problem or just drama I have created just by sitting with it. Sometimes the solution comes, sometimes I need to sit with it some more.
Sit with it and be present.
Hari Om,
Jenni
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Home or away
It is getting very close to September. In our house that means back to school. A welcome change for all of us. More time for me to spend with my daughter and more time for my boys to spend with their friends learning new and exciting things.
At the beginning of August just after purchasing some new pants and a few t-shirts for my boys, my 5 year old said to me "Mommy, I'm homeschooling this year". We have a few friends who home school so this is not a foreign concept to him. I said "oh sweetie, we'll see". He has been persistent for weeks about not going to school. When people ask him if he is excited he tells them point blank "I'm not going to school".
My yoga mind is torn. I want to be present and accepting in what my child wants and probably knows what is best for himself. At the same time - we all went to school and did fine. I have been doing my research (for years I think). I have come to the conclusion that I am a home schooler who sends her kids to school.
As a parent I do believe that in most cases our children do know what is best for them. Encouragement sometimes helps but if a child says they are scared or not ready, they know when they will be. If I think of myself being an adult if I am not interested in doing something for whatever reason, encouragement does not always help. Sometimes it makes it worse.
I have the tools I am ready to home school. The other part of the equation is that my husband is not in favor of the home school. He believes that we all went to school, our kids should too. I am normally in charge of most of the activities, school choices and programs that our children do. I am torn to ignore what my husband feels is best with doing what I think is best. After all I will be the one doing the work right!
Right now, listening to my son seems to be what matters most. In my mind home schooling seems like such a gentle approach to learning. The child learns at his or her pace. Has plenty of one on one time with the "teacher". Does not waste time learning things that he already knows but other kids may not. Learns things that he or she is interested in rather than what the teacher wants to teach that day. Home schooling to me really falls in line with yoga philosophy, being kind, gentle and listening and knowing your self. Also following tradition of one teacher, one student.
It just makes sense to me. Let's see if I can help it make sense to my husband...
Namaste,
Jennifer
At the beginning of August just after purchasing some new pants and a few t-shirts for my boys, my 5 year old said to me "Mommy, I'm homeschooling this year". We have a few friends who home school so this is not a foreign concept to him. I said "oh sweetie, we'll see". He has been persistent for weeks about not going to school. When people ask him if he is excited he tells them point blank "I'm not going to school".
My yoga mind is torn. I want to be present and accepting in what my child wants and probably knows what is best for himself. At the same time - we all went to school and did fine. I have been doing my research (for years I think). I have come to the conclusion that I am a home schooler who sends her kids to school.
As a parent I do believe that in most cases our children do know what is best for them. Encouragement sometimes helps but if a child says they are scared or not ready, they know when they will be. If I think of myself being an adult if I am not interested in doing something for whatever reason, encouragement does not always help. Sometimes it makes it worse.
I have the tools I am ready to home school. The other part of the equation is that my husband is not in favor of the home school. He believes that we all went to school, our kids should too. I am normally in charge of most of the activities, school choices and programs that our children do. I am torn to ignore what my husband feels is best with doing what I think is best. After all I will be the one doing the work right!
Right now, listening to my son seems to be what matters most. In my mind home schooling seems like such a gentle approach to learning. The child learns at his or her pace. Has plenty of one on one time with the "teacher". Does not waste time learning things that he already knows but other kids may not. Learns things that he or she is interested in rather than what the teacher wants to teach that day. Home schooling to me really falls in line with yoga philosophy, being kind, gentle and listening and knowing your self. Also following tradition of one teacher, one student.
It just makes sense to me. Let's see if I can help it make sense to my husband...
Namaste,
Jennifer
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Yoga Travels.
I just spent the past three weeks traveling with my family. One husband and three children to be specific. We drove for two and a half days to Newfoundland, then for a day and a half to PEI and then another day and a half back to Ottawa. The kids were great in the car but we did have to take several breaks to stretch and care for ourselves.
I will have to be honest in saying that this kind of travel had an affect on my yoga practice and frequency of it. I was able to practice and sometimes the practice was great and sometimes it left me feeling disappointed. During our frequent stops along the drive I would do a few sun salutations or standing postures by the side of the road. I am sure I was quite the sight for people driving by.
While we were in Newfoundland staying with my in-laws space, time and silence were a huge issue. My in laws do not have a huge house and they had more than just our family of five staying with them. As well any given time during the day would bring in more family members to hang out with. Thus bringing the space and the noise factor up a notch. I had a few nice practices but they were often short and interrupted. I often settled for a nice long walk outside.
Prince Edward Island was a completely different story. We rented this lovely house with my brother-in-law and his family. It was not a big house by any means but the lay out was fabulous. I was able to do a morning practice almost every morning (I missed 2) on the deck outside. The deck overlooked fields of green and hay as well as water and a beautiful garden (see picture below of the view). In the evening on several occasions I had a lovely practice in our small living room. I closed the doors and went to it, I didn't even mind when my niece wandered in to grab a book.
As far as asana practice went I had a nice balance of listening to my body and my family as to when it was appropriate and when it wasn't as well as not beating myself up if I didn't get to it today. Vacation is supposed to be like that.
The practice of bramacharya with respect to moderation was out the window, this tends to happen on vacation right?! I ate too much, I drank a bit too much (I'm not a big drinker) and I certainly slothed to much. The tapas was not always there and I think it is because of the over indulgence. Really who feels able to get up in the morning when they ate a huge plate of onion rings (you have to try Spud onion rings in Deer Lake), had a couple of beers with the family and stayed up until 1:0am? Reality says not me. I would much rather sleep in, get fat and enjoy than get up go for a walk and then have a nice relaxed practice and meditate. Honestly if I sat and meditated I would probably be thinking about the next plate of onion rings and perhaps some Pizza Delight (maritime pizza chain - yummy!!!)
I am home and back to reality. My yoga practice will be back on track, my eating back to normal, sleeping and meditating (not about onion rings). Vacation is nice but it is nice to be back home!
Namaste,
Jenni
I will have to be honest in saying that this kind of travel had an affect on my yoga practice and frequency of it. I was able to practice and sometimes the practice was great and sometimes it left me feeling disappointed. During our frequent stops along the drive I would do a few sun salutations or standing postures by the side of the road. I am sure I was quite the sight for people driving by.
While we were in Newfoundland staying with my in-laws space, time and silence were a huge issue. My in laws do not have a huge house and they had more than just our family of five staying with them. As well any given time during the day would bring in more family members to hang out with. Thus bringing the space and the noise factor up a notch. I had a few nice practices but they were often short and interrupted. I often settled for a nice long walk outside.
Prince Edward Island was a completely different story. We rented this lovely house with my brother-in-law and his family. It was not a big house by any means but the lay out was fabulous. I was able to do a morning practice almost every morning (I missed 2) on the deck outside. The deck overlooked fields of green and hay as well as water and a beautiful garden (see picture below of the view). In the evening on several occasions I had a lovely practice in our small living room. I closed the doors and went to it, I didn't even mind when my niece wandered in to grab a book.
As far as asana practice went I had a nice balance of listening to my body and my family as to when it was appropriate and when it wasn't as well as not beating myself up if I didn't get to it today. Vacation is supposed to be like that.
The practice of bramacharya with respect to moderation was out the window, this tends to happen on vacation right?! I ate too much, I drank a bit too much (I'm not a big drinker) and I certainly slothed to much. The tapas was not always there and I think it is because of the over indulgence. Really who feels able to get up in the morning when they ate a huge plate of onion rings (you have to try Spud onion rings in Deer Lake), had a couple of beers with the family and stayed up until 1:0am? Reality says not me. I would much rather sleep in, get fat and enjoy than get up go for a walk and then have a nice relaxed practice and meditate. Honestly if I sat and meditated I would probably be thinking about the next plate of onion rings and perhaps some Pizza Delight (maritime pizza chain - yummy!!!)
I am home and back to reality. My yoga practice will be back on track, my eating back to normal, sleeping and meditating (not about onion rings). Vacation is nice but it is nice to be back home!
Namaste,
Jenni
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Non-attachment
My grandmother has Alzheimer's disease. We moved her closer to us last year so that she could be surrounded by people who love her and care for her. I am glad that we did that so we can be with her for the last years of her life. Her disease is progressing rapidly. She still knows who I am but cannot always remember my name. Her health is declining rapidly also because of the disease, the brain forgets to tell the other body parts to function. She recently had a heart attack and has been having mini strokes, her kidney's are shutting down, she never feels hungry and is freezing when it is 35 out. Her exercise in non-attachment is easy, she doesn't even remember what she owns or why it is or was important to her. This is the one good thing about being 87 and having Alzheimer's, the material things that used to be so important don't matter. Her daily ritual of cleaning her house top to bottom is no longer important. Her hair, make up and outfit when she goes out is not important (she doesn't go anywhere anymore). She gets more joy out of seeing my mom, myself and my three children then she does out of the objects or routines that used to matter. I am happy for this.
My exercise in non-attachment is quite difficult. I lived with my grandmother for a long time while I was little. I am the eldest grandchild born to a teenage mom. I called both my mom and my grandmother mommy for a long time. In essence I have two mothers. I am very lucky to have this experience. It was my grandmother who potty trained me, taught me how to tie my shoes, taught me how to bake and who I talked to about boys. When I was little she and my grandfather moved back to the Nova Scotia where my grandfather was from. I would spend entire summers there as a child and loved every minute of it. My heart broke every time I had to say good bye. I feel like this is what is happening again. I knew then as a child and even when I would visit as a young adult that I would see them again, talk on the phone to them again but I still cried. Now I know that I won't see her physically again in this life, that she is with me in who I am, how I look and partially for who I am but it is still hard.
How do I exercise non-attachment to a woman who helped raise me, who I love so much? I have meditated, I have thought about it during my physical yoga practice, I have thought deeply about it, and now I write. I know that I don't have to let go just yet but the time is coming. I want to have it some what resolved so that I can let her go be at peace.
Namaste,
Jennifer
My exercise in non-attachment is quite difficult. I lived with my grandmother for a long time while I was little. I am the eldest grandchild born to a teenage mom. I called both my mom and my grandmother mommy for a long time. In essence I have two mothers. I am very lucky to have this experience. It was my grandmother who potty trained me, taught me how to tie my shoes, taught me how to bake and who I talked to about boys. When I was little she and my grandfather moved back to the Nova Scotia where my grandfather was from. I would spend entire summers there as a child and loved every minute of it. My heart broke every time I had to say good bye. I feel like this is what is happening again. I knew then as a child and even when I would visit as a young adult that I would see them again, talk on the phone to them again but I still cried. Now I know that I won't see her physically again in this life, that she is with me in who I am, how I look and partially for who I am but it is still hard.
How do I exercise non-attachment to a woman who helped raise me, who I love so much? I have meditated, I have thought about it during my physical yoga practice, I have thought deeply about it, and now I write. I know that I don't have to let go just yet but the time is coming. I want to have it some what resolved so that I can let her go be at peace.
Namaste,
Jennifer
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Ahhh the bike
Last week-end I bought a bicycle. Nothing fancy, just a blue bike.
m feeling though as if this blue bike may be changing my life! We have a chariot bike trailer so two of my three children can ride behind me. My eldest is getting quite good at riding his own bike which is great!
Yesterday I packed up all our stuff to go to the splash pad, popped my sons bike in the back and picked the boys up at school. It is quite a site though. Me with my blue bike, basket on front and a huge purple trailer in the back - I swear it looks like a train!!
I feel free, fit and it is so much fun! The kids are loving it and asking to go for a ride every day. I am so glad that they are on the band wagon. The one exercise I am learning aside from the physical is being where we are as a family. You need to keep a certain speed with the bike trailer behind but my seven year old is pretty slow. He also gets tired after a certain distance. I am finding that I have to get off occasionally and walk behind him but I know this will change quickly.
The best part is spending some alone time with my kids. My eldest and I went for a nice ride together just the two of us and it was so great! He told me about some of his friends, the things he likes to do right now and we really had fun. I am a huge part of my children's lives already but it is nice to be with them one on one. I was able to take my middle child out and we had a similar experience and I loved that equally as much. My daughter is just a toddler but her squeals of delight and "mama look at that" every so many minutes are amazing.
The breath the movement and the time spent outdoors are so amazing I can't wait to get on my bike again, with or without my children.
Namaste,
Jenni
m feeling though as if this blue bike may be changing my life! We have a chariot bike trailer so two of my three children can ride behind me. My eldest is getting quite good at riding his own bike which is great!
Yesterday I packed up all our stuff to go to the splash pad, popped my sons bike in the back and picked the boys up at school. It is quite a site though. Me with my blue bike, basket on front and a huge purple trailer in the back - I swear it looks like a train!!
I feel free, fit and it is so much fun! The kids are loving it and asking to go for a ride every day. I am so glad that they are on the band wagon. The one exercise I am learning aside from the physical is being where we are as a family. You need to keep a certain speed with the bike trailer behind but my seven year old is pretty slow. He also gets tired after a certain distance. I am finding that I have to get off occasionally and walk behind him but I know this will change quickly.
The best part is spending some alone time with my kids. My eldest and I went for a nice ride together just the two of us and it was so great! He told me about some of his friends, the things he likes to do right now and we really had fun. I am a huge part of my children's lives already but it is nice to be with them one on one. I was able to take my middle child out and we had a similar experience and I loved that equally as much. My daughter is just a toddler but her squeals of delight and "mama look at that" every so many minutes are amazing.
The breath the movement and the time spent outdoors are so amazing I can't wait to get on my bike again, with or without my children.
Namaste,
Jenni
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