Over the past few months I have been reading and studying and listening to some amazing teachers. I cannot say that this has not had a profound affect on me. It has in so many ways. One of those ways is the way that I meditate. My previous mediation practice consisted of mediating for 10 or 15 minutes before or after my yoga practice. So much has changed.
I have tried more ways to meditate in the past few months than I ever knew were possible. I have meditated lying down, I have meditated on my knees and I have meditated in postures. I have had my arms extended with palms up to the sky and held it for 11 minutes or more. I have chanted the same verses over and over in my head or out loud for 20 minutes or more. I have counted breaths and I have counted how many seconds my breaths take. I have forced my breath in and out and various intervals and I have let my breath come naturally.
I have discovered many things about my self. One is that it is hard to meditate for 11 minutes or more with your arms extended without feeling some kind of pain afterward. Second is that chanting Gayatri gives me a wicked sore throat the next morning (probably something I need to work on there). Thirdly is that no matter how often I meditate I always find myself focusing on my third eye (ajna chakra) - again something I need to explore more. Lastly, was that I think I really missed my old way of meditation.
So for the next little while I have decided to meditate the old way. I will follow my old ritual of lighting a candle next to my statue of Ganesha (the remover of obstacles). Sit on my meditation pillow, close my eyes with my hands in my lap or in gyan mudra (helping to purify the mind). Set my timer or not and meditate. Allow my thoughts to pass or to have none at all and enjoy the simplicity of sitting.
I returned to this practice tonight. My timer went off and I kept going for several minutes longer. I feel clear and rejuvenated. My hip and my back feel nice - the pain started to dissipate after a few minutes. If history repeats itself I should have a restful nights sleep (not with standing Holly waking me to nurse).
I feel bliss!
Namaste,
Jennifer
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Letting it out.
We had the second last week-end in the yoga teacher training that I am doing right now and a very strange thing happened to me today... If you have read previous blog posts you may know that I have been dealing with some back issues from a car accident about 6 months ago. It has been an uphill battle and I have not been feeling like I have been getting better. This morning when I woke up my back was killing me, so much that I went to the pharmacy and picked up some good drugs, which I have still not taken yet. I wanted them to help me rest and sleep tonight so that I could have a better week. Then during our teacher training we started our opening practice and I was not able to do hardly anything. Ahimsa, don't harm your self so I huddled up on my mat in child's pose. OK great, then I felt my eyes stinging, I tried to will it away but they just wouldn't stop. I then felt the drip drip of tears and saw the evidence on my mat. Oh no, what if someone sees me crying was all I could think. I promptly grabbed some kleenex, blew my nose and pretended I had a spec of dust under my contact. Thought OK deep breaths now, that's all I need are deep breaths and it will all pass and no one will ever know. Yeah right I had opened the flood gates and the tears got bigger and bigger and there were more. Oh god what do I do know, I held steadfast in child's pose and tried to breath deeper hopefully when the practice is over it will all stop. I took another tylenol, rubbed some arnica on my back and carried on. I managed to wipe enough of the tears away that I just had that "great practice" look that some people have. Who was I kidding.
It was time for us to break up into pairs and work on our inversions. There was no way in hell I was working with anyone or doing inversions today (the first time I had opted out in 6 months). I mentioned to my teacher that I was going to the washroom and would observe another group when I returned. There were a few of us needing to use the washroom (very common after a yoga practice). Three of us started talking, one of my yoga friends started crying, someone asked if I was OK and the flood gates continued. I wiped them away, went to the washroom and tried to pull it together. Then our teacher came in an asked what was going on since she had missed us, not in a "hey you guys what the hell are you doing?" high school kind of way, but more out of general concern. Of course my tears started again, I got some more tissues but felt the pressure, oh god people know I am crying, oh god get me out of here - classic fight or flight! No where to run, simple explanation - I am in physical pain and I am frustrated. OK carry on - Hari Om right!
Back in the room I just could not seem to stop crying. By now it was time for a break, class mates asking if I am OK offering me hugs you know the stuff. Here is where it gets tricky for me. For those who know me I am the cry alone kind of person. I try to run away and be alone with my emotions. It was everything in me today not to pack up my stuff and go home! But I decided to let my emotions sit with me and see where it all went. I got some lunch, and rested a bit.
After lunch it was time for more practice. I thought here is a learning opportunity. I can either sit and feel sorry for myself or I can carry on and do what I can. So that is what I did. I stood up in mountain while everyone practiced wonderfully beautiful postures and I leaned against the wall when I needed support. I laid in savasana while others did shoulder stands and you know what, I was OK with that. I was listening to my body and helping myself heal the best way I could. I was still doing yoga, it was not vigorous, it was not fancy it just was. "Now is the time for yoga." I was not attached I was not where I was yesterday, nor where I will be tomorrow but I was where I was today, in the present listening to my body and where my body was here and now. I was OK with it.
I was grateful to be in a space full of caring individuals, my peers and my teachers. I did not feel smothered nor did I feel judged. I felt as if this is where I was supposed to be, I was present in the best way I could be and I felt accepting of that condition.
In this today I realized a few things. One is that I need to try something else, the massage and chiropractic care are not really working - I need to try something new. As well it is more than the physical, when I got home my pain level diminished immensely, if I was an 8 during the day I was a 3 or 4 when I got home. Certainly something to explore there. I am not sure of what it means but at least I know there is something I need to do. I shall focus my meditations on it this week and with diligence the answer shall present itself. I firmly believe we all know the answers, we just need to look inside.
Namaste,
Jennifer
It was time for us to break up into pairs and work on our inversions. There was no way in hell I was working with anyone or doing inversions today (the first time I had opted out in 6 months). I mentioned to my teacher that I was going to the washroom and would observe another group when I returned. There were a few of us needing to use the washroom (very common after a yoga practice). Three of us started talking, one of my yoga friends started crying, someone asked if I was OK and the flood gates continued. I wiped them away, went to the washroom and tried to pull it together. Then our teacher came in an asked what was going on since she had missed us, not in a "hey you guys what the hell are you doing?" high school kind of way, but more out of general concern. Of course my tears started again, I got some more tissues but felt the pressure, oh god people know I am crying, oh god get me out of here - classic fight or flight! No where to run, simple explanation - I am in physical pain and I am frustrated. OK carry on - Hari Om right!
Back in the room I just could not seem to stop crying. By now it was time for a break, class mates asking if I am OK offering me hugs you know the stuff. Here is where it gets tricky for me. For those who know me I am the cry alone kind of person. I try to run away and be alone with my emotions. It was everything in me today not to pack up my stuff and go home! But I decided to let my emotions sit with me and see where it all went. I got some lunch, and rested a bit.
After lunch it was time for more practice. I thought here is a learning opportunity. I can either sit and feel sorry for myself or I can carry on and do what I can. So that is what I did. I stood up in mountain while everyone practiced wonderfully beautiful postures and I leaned against the wall when I needed support. I laid in savasana while others did shoulder stands and you know what, I was OK with that. I was listening to my body and helping myself heal the best way I could. I was still doing yoga, it was not vigorous, it was not fancy it just was. "Now is the time for yoga." I was not attached I was not where I was yesterday, nor where I will be tomorrow but I was where I was today, in the present listening to my body and where my body was here and now. I was OK with it.
I was grateful to be in a space full of caring individuals, my peers and my teachers. I did not feel smothered nor did I feel judged. I felt as if this is where I was supposed to be, I was present in the best way I could be and I felt accepting of that condition.
In this today I realized a few things. One is that I need to try something else, the massage and chiropractic care are not really working - I need to try something new. As well it is more than the physical, when I got home my pain level diminished immensely, if I was an 8 during the day I was a 3 or 4 when I got home. Certainly something to explore there. I am not sure of what it means but at least I know there is something I need to do. I shall focus my meditations on it this week and with diligence the answer shall present itself. I firmly believe we all know the answers, we just need to look inside.
Namaste,
Jennifer
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Self Reflection
Today was an amazing day. I spent it with my three children, two of which are on March break. We did some amazing things, took a long drive to visit a friend, went bowling and played outside in the sun, painted some t-shirts and had a lovely meal.
The friend that I spent the day with is going through some stuff. She is spending a lot of time looking inside her soul and learning about who she really is. Funny thing about this is that I am too, just in a different sort of way. This makes me laugh a bit since I am practicing svadhyay, self reflection which is discussed in Patanjali's Yoga Sutra's. I meditate, practice yoga postures, breath and ask myself who I am, occasionally journal and get to know my body. Others in my life seek counseling, group therapy and talk talk talk it out. Each of these ways is probably equally effective, the end result is probably the same. We break old patterns, discover new things and even learn about old things. I do wonder which one is more satisfying and which will "stick".
I know an individual who saw the same therapist for about 6 years. After the 6 years this person just stopped going. Not because they were "well", not because they had "fixed" the problem but just because they didn't want to do it any more. In those 6 years I never noticed any changes in this person and I am not sure that they did either. They enjoyed the books that were recommended, they enjoyed having someone else to talk with and even the weekly outing wasn't so bad. In my mind if you are paying that much money for therapy would you not want to have tasks to do, and would your friends and family not begin to notice changes about you, should it not be more than just conversation or books to read? I guess that is where I find yoga more beneficial. You have a task to do, if you follow the yoga sutra's you can get lots and lots of self reflection and the tools to do it. People absolutely notice changes in you and because of all the tools and self reflection you have no choice but to notice them too. If you need someone to talk to, you have teachers and other practitioners. Yoga is for life, it does not pretend to "fix" things or make you "well", but it can help you get there.
I'm not saying that therapy is wrong or that it doesn't have a place, I just wonder... if more people practiced yoga, and I mean really practiced, reading, asana, pranayam and philosophy and many other facets that yoga has to offer - would therapy be necessary? If yoga scientifically works to help cure disease (dis ease), calm the mind and the body, provide exercise and breath control, help elevate your mood and keep you relaxed and rested then would we need medications, psychiatrists and all these other things to help us? I'm just asking the question.
Om Shanti
Jenni
The friend that I spent the day with is going through some stuff. She is spending a lot of time looking inside her soul and learning about who she really is. Funny thing about this is that I am too, just in a different sort of way. This makes me laugh a bit since I am practicing svadhyay, self reflection which is discussed in Patanjali's Yoga Sutra's. I meditate, practice yoga postures, breath and ask myself who I am, occasionally journal and get to know my body. Others in my life seek counseling, group therapy and talk talk talk it out. Each of these ways is probably equally effective, the end result is probably the same. We break old patterns, discover new things and even learn about old things. I do wonder which one is more satisfying and which will "stick".
I know an individual who saw the same therapist for about 6 years. After the 6 years this person just stopped going. Not because they were "well", not because they had "fixed" the problem but just because they didn't want to do it any more. In those 6 years I never noticed any changes in this person and I am not sure that they did either. They enjoyed the books that were recommended, they enjoyed having someone else to talk with and even the weekly outing wasn't so bad. In my mind if you are paying that much money for therapy would you not want to have tasks to do, and would your friends and family not begin to notice changes about you, should it not be more than just conversation or books to read? I guess that is where I find yoga more beneficial. You have a task to do, if you follow the yoga sutra's you can get lots and lots of self reflection and the tools to do it. People absolutely notice changes in you and because of all the tools and self reflection you have no choice but to notice them too. If you need someone to talk to, you have teachers and other practitioners. Yoga is for life, it does not pretend to "fix" things or make you "well", but it can help you get there.
I'm not saying that therapy is wrong or that it doesn't have a place, I just wonder... if more people practiced yoga, and I mean really practiced, reading, asana, pranayam and philosophy and many other facets that yoga has to offer - would therapy be necessary? If yoga scientifically works to help cure disease (dis ease), calm the mind and the body, provide exercise and breath control, help elevate your mood and keep you relaxed and rested then would we need medications, psychiatrists and all these other things to help us? I'm just asking the question.
Om Shanti
Jenni
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Karma Yoga
Every time it snows I shovel our driveway. Since I am out there and our driveways are attached I also do my neighbors driveway. I could easily leave it, after all it does add another 1/2 hour or 20 minutes to my task but my neighbors are in their 60's and as I said I am already out there. It feels good to know that I am helping them out a little bit and that I am saving them the time to do it. I get fresh air and a little bit of exercise, and the kids get to play out side and eat snow (yes eat snow).
Funny thing about this shoveling that I do. I really don't mind doing it, in fact I enjoy it. This morning it was not as much fun. Not because there was more snow - snow is snow. Not because it was cold, it was a balmy -3. Not because I was tired or hungry or thirsty or anything like that. The reason was because my neighbors seem to have purchased a truck or are borrowing a truck or one of their kids are parking it in their driveway. I found that this enormous pick up truck that is not normally there is blocking my way. I can't easily shovel the snow from one end of the driveway to another. You would think I would be happy, if I look on the bright side, this truck covers the pavement making less snow for me to shovel. Instead I found myself cursing this damn truck that was in the way of my shoveling.
I got over it. I shoveled around it. Brought my focus back to the task at hand and reminded myself that this little obstacle was in the path of my snow, not an obstacle in the path of my karma yoga. I returned to the shoveling. Shoveled lengthwise instead of sideways, enjoyed my fresh air and exercise. Enjoyed making life easier for my 60 year old neighbors who parked a massive truck in the middle of their driveway.
Namaste,
J.
Funny thing about this shoveling that I do. I really don't mind doing it, in fact I enjoy it. This morning it was not as much fun. Not because there was more snow - snow is snow. Not because it was cold, it was a balmy -3. Not because I was tired or hungry or thirsty or anything like that. The reason was because my neighbors seem to have purchased a truck or are borrowing a truck or one of their kids are parking it in their driveway. I found that this enormous pick up truck that is not normally there is blocking my way. I can't easily shovel the snow from one end of the driveway to another. You would think I would be happy, if I look on the bright side, this truck covers the pavement making less snow for me to shovel. Instead I found myself cursing this damn truck that was in the way of my shoveling.
I got over it. I shoveled around it. Brought my focus back to the task at hand and reminded myself that this little obstacle was in the path of my snow, not an obstacle in the path of my karma yoga. I returned to the shoveling. Shoveled lengthwise instead of sideways, enjoyed my fresh air and exercise. Enjoyed making life easier for my 60 year old neighbors who parked a massive truck in the middle of their driveway.
Namaste,
J.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Yoga in Jeans
I can honestly and truthfully say (with satya in mind) that I practice yoga asana every day. Sometimes my meditation falls off but I do some form of posture work daily. Sometimes it is only 15 minutes and sometimes I am lucky and get an hour and a half, but mostly I am somewhere in between.
Because I have three small children and have found practicing with them around to be an exercise in frustration, I tend to practice at night once they have gone to bed and the house is quiet. I occasionally forget to change out of my jeans and put on something more appropriate. For fear of the "mommy can you sleep with me", I never return upstairs until bedtime to change. I suppose I could practice in my underwear however my practice space happens to be in front of a very large window only a few feet from the street. I am sure that some of my neighbors would be quite entertained I do not feel like finding photos of me doing yoga in my underwear on the internet... but I digress.
As I mentioned I don't always get to change my clothes so I sometimes practice in my jeans. Now if they are of the snugger nature I alter my postures to fit around my clothes. But occasionally my jeans are a bit more warn in and do not limit my flexibility. However it still feels strange, I feel fabric touching me where I normally do not.
This always prompts me to wonder, why people need "special" yoga clothes. Do the Lululemon yoga pants function any better than an old pair of jeans, does Nike or Roots have something that Levi's do not? The answer... is yes!!! Aside from the very well known fact that Lululemon pants have some kind of weird butt lifting technology making even the most unusually shaped butt look fabulous. They do feel better. Not necessarily better than other brands of yoga pants but certainly better than my worn in jeans, or my yoga pants that I bought for $9.99 because they were on sale. They don't last and they make me itch in strange places!
So the point here is that it is not what you were that counts as long as you are practicing. But if you are going to practice, it does help to wear something comfortable and nonrestrictive. I promise you it will make your asana practice less about how your asana looks and more about your asana or other body parts feel!
Namaste,
Jenn
Because I have three small children and have found practicing with them around to be an exercise in frustration, I tend to practice at night once they have gone to bed and the house is quiet. I occasionally forget to change out of my jeans and put on something more appropriate. For fear of the "mommy can you sleep with me", I never return upstairs until bedtime to change. I suppose I could practice in my underwear however my practice space happens to be in front of a very large window only a few feet from the street. I am sure that some of my neighbors would be quite entertained I do not feel like finding photos of me doing yoga in my underwear on the internet... but I digress.
As I mentioned I don't always get to change my clothes so I sometimes practice in my jeans. Now if they are of the snugger nature I alter my postures to fit around my clothes. But occasionally my jeans are a bit more warn in and do not limit my flexibility. However it still feels strange, I feel fabric touching me where I normally do not.
This always prompts me to wonder, why people need "special" yoga clothes. Do the Lululemon yoga pants function any better than an old pair of jeans, does Nike or Roots have something that Levi's do not? The answer... is yes!!! Aside from the very well known fact that Lululemon pants have some kind of weird butt lifting technology making even the most unusually shaped butt look fabulous. They do feel better. Not necessarily better than other brands of yoga pants but certainly better than my worn in jeans, or my yoga pants that I bought for $9.99 because they were on sale. They don't last and they make me itch in strange places!
So the point here is that it is not what you were that counts as long as you are practicing. But if you are going to practice, it does help to wear something comfortable and nonrestrictive. I promise you it will make your asana practice less about how your asana looks and more about your asana or other body parts feel!
Namaste,
Jenn
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Building up and Breaking Down
Another week-end of teacher training and I am feeling good but I realize everyday that the more I learn, the more there is to learn.
In my last post I wondered "will it ever be enough"? Is that me or is that my nature. Is it my purpose in life to learn as much as I can - maybe. I have many people in my life who don't necessarily support my many decisions to learn this and try that. Some think it is flighty, waste of time, waste of money. Maybe it is, but I am honestly trying to find what I love most in the world and I think that is experiences. I love to experience to try and to learn about myself in that experience. Learning may be as simple as do I like it or not? Does it make me feel uncomfortable - what is there to learn in that, why do I feel uncomfortable? Or is it sometimes just to enjoy the experience. These are the things I build up. I guess I could say I am building up my portfolio of life and adding all my little experiences into it one day at a time. I don't want to wake up one day 90 years old and think that I did nothing. That I sat by and let life happen when I could have made it happen.
Breaking down is always more difficult for me than building up. As I suppose it is for most people. To start our week-end of on Friday one of our teachers did this really great sequence where we focused our breath on one of our Chakra's. I of course was guided toward my head, third eye. He suggested heart or crown but I couldn't do it - I need to see and feel more. I need to listen more to my intuition and open up to the suggestions that I know are truth. He finished our sequence with some chanting and always one of my favorites, Om Nimah Shivya - I chant this one often at home, and it works.
After the session and much of the next day I could not stop my right arm from shaking. I spoke with one of my teachers briefly and told her - I am not nervous (I was presenting) but there is something going on with my nervous system. Her response - "keep up the work, something is happening". I know it but what is it and should I accept or ignore. It is hard to keep up with a practice when you don't always know the end result. I want to know what is the pattern I am breaking and how much work should it take to break down. When will it happen. This brings more yogic philosophy with aparigraha - non attachment. I should just let the process happen and accept the results rather than be attached to what the results may be.
I think I have some idea of what the breaking down may be but I don't necessarily like it or want it to happen. There is a part of me that is holding on to some of these old patterns and old thought processes. Some of these things make me who I am and if I let go of them, what will happen. Some of these may change me for good, some may change my family and my life. I have already noticed some of these things happening. My immediate family is receptive and go with it, most of them are under 7 and adaptable. It is my outside family and some friends that are having a more difficult time, and although this is good for me it shakes them up a bit - maybe that's good for them too. Change is good for everyone although we may not like it at the time.
So I continue to change and to chant - om nimah shivya - breaking down old patterns and creating new and wonderful ones. Join me!!
Om nimah shivya
Jenni
In my last post I wondered "will it ever be enough"? Is that me or is that my nature. Is it my purpose in life to learn as much as I can - maybe. I have many people in my life who don't necessarily support my many decisions to learn this and try that. Some think it is flighty, waste of time, waste of money. Maybe it is, but I am honestly trying to find what I love most in the world and I think that is experiences. I love to experience to try and to learn about myself in that experience. Learning may be as simple as do I like it or not? Does it make me feel uncomfortable - what is there to learn in that, why do I feel uncomfortable? Or is it sometimes just to enjoy the experience. These are the things I build up. I guess I could say I am building up my portfolio of life and adding all my little experiences into it one day at a time. I don't want to wake up one day 90 years old and think that I did nothing. That I sat by and let life happen when I could have made it happen.
Breaking down is always more difficult for me than building up. As I suppose it is for most people. To start our week-end of on Friday one of our teachers did this really great sequence where we focused our breath on one of our Chakra's. I of course was guided toward my head, third eye. He suggested heart or crown but I couldn't do it - I need to see and feel more. I need to listen more to my intuition and open up to the suggestions that I know are truth. He finished our sequence with some chanting and always one of my favorites, Om Nimah Shivya - I chant this one often at home, and it works.
After the session and much of the next day I could not stop my right arm from shaking. I spoke with one of my teachers briefly and told her - I am not nervous (I was presenting) but there is something going on with my nervous system. Her response - "keep up the work, something is happening". I know it but what is it and should I accept or ignore. It is hard to keep up with a practice when you don't always know the end result. I want to know what is the pattern I am breaking and how much work should it take to break down. When will it happen. This brings more yogic philosophy with aparigraha - non attachment. I should just let the process happen and accept the results rather than be attached to what the results may be.
I think I have some idea of what the breaking down may be but I don't necessarily like it or want it to happen. There is a part of me that is holding on to some of these old patterns and old thought processes. Some of these things make me who I am and if I let go of them, what will happen. Some of these may change me for good, some may change my family and my life. I have already noticed some of these things happening. My immediate family is receptive and go with it, most of them are under 7 and adaptable. It is my outside family and some friends that are having a more difficult time, and although this is good for me it shakes them up a bit - maybe that's good for them too. Change is good for everyone although we may not like it at the time.
So I continue to change and to chant - om nimah shivya - breaking down old patterns and creating new and wonderful ones. Join me!!
Om nimah shivya
Jenni
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Perfect practice
Can we ever have the "perfect practice"? If so what is that, what does it look like, what does it feel like? I am a person who is always striving to improve. I want to be a better mother, a better yoga teacher, better belly dancer, a better prenatal teacher and just a better person. This conflicts with being present sometimes. I want to accept myself today for who I am and how I am, how I am feeling, how I am teaching how I am practicing.
I am the constant student I flip flop from one thing to another and always back again. I have been belly dancing on and off for about 6 years and this has improved my yoga practice immensely. I have learned through belly dancing to practice with joy. I have learned different ways that my body can move and flow. I also love the costumes but that has little place in yoga. In music I also flip flop back and forth from learning to play the guitar to leaving it be, to getting really into my hand drums and leaving them for months at a time, to really getting the hang of my zills (finger cymbals) and letting them go. But again the music has helped me pick really great music for yoga and has helped me find and enjoy music that I may otherwise not have listened to. I repeat it again, bringing more joy into my life.
I have been teaching yoga on and off for about 6 years now and am currently embarking on an additional teacher training but will it ever be enough. I will finally be certified but now I am looking at what the next teacher training will be. I want to train in India with Vishnu and Chetena a couple whose birth I attended 3 years ago. I love their approach but it will be expensive and "un-necessary". I want to attend another teacher training at the ashram in Quebec that I love but again it will be expensive and would mean a month away from my family. It seems sometimes a matter of need versus want. I don't need to learn more I just want more. I have found in my personal experience that it is not enough for me to learn and to do something well, I need to perfect it and be able to teach it to others. It just never ends. Maybe that's what I love so much about yoga, between the physical aspects and the philosophy as well as the meditative, yoga has so many layers that I can never learn it all. Maybe my practice will never be perfect, maybe it will be but this is the lesson - it is as good as it is going to get today, in the present moment where I am now - maybe that is the perfection?
The improvement that I make in my learning enriches me and my life but I can't help but question... will it ever be enough. Will I ever learn to be present and accept... or will I always be searching for more.
Om Shanti
Jenni
I am the constant student I flip flop from one thing to another and always back again. I have been belly dancing on and off for about 6 years and this has improved my yoga practice immensely. I have learned through belly dancing to practice with joy. I have learned different ways that my body can move and flow. I also love the costumes but that has little place in yoga. In music I also flip flop back and forth from learning to play the guitar to leaving it be, to getting really into my hand drums and leaving them for months at a time, to really getting the hang of my zills (finger cymbals) and letting them go. But again the music has helped me pick really great music for yoga and has helped me find and enjoy music that I may otherwise not have listened to. I repeat it again, bringing more joy into my life.
I have been teaching yoga on and off for about 6 years now and am currently embarking on an additional teacher training but will it ever be enough. I will finally be certified but now I am looking at what the next teacher training will be. I want to train in India with Vishnu and Chetena a couple whose birth I attended 3 years ago. I love their approach but it will be expensive and "un-necessary". I want to attend another teacher training at the ashram in Quebec that I love but again it will be expensive and would mean a month away from my family. It seems sometimes a matter of need versus want. I don't need to learn more I just want more. I have found in my personal experience that it is not enough for me to learn and to do something well, I need to perfect it and be able to teach it to others. It just never ends. Maybe that's what I love so much about yoga, between the physical aspects and the philosophy as well as the meditative, yoga has so many layers that I can never learn it all. Maybe my practice will never be perfect, maybe it will be but this is the lesson - it is as good as it is going to get today, in the present moment where I am now - maybe that is the perfection?
The improvement that I make in my learning enriches me and my life but I can't help but question... will it ever be enough. Will I ever learn to be present and accept... or will I always be searching for more.
Om Shanti
Jenni
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)