Monday, May 24, 2010

Difficult Decisions

The past few months have been full of new beginnings and closing old chapters.  I am finding making these decisions to start new and end old both exhilarating and scary at the same time.  Most of these decisions have to do with my family and how some of my life choices affect them.

For just over two years I have been working on Sundays and the occasional Saturday at this wonderful store called Milkface.  It is a place where I feel at home.  They sell nursing bras, nursing clothing and baby carriers.  They are also a tremendous resource to parents in out community.  My husband has never been a fan of me working there.  It is not the concept, he loves them too.  It is that I have been spending an entire day away from my family when we could be together.  So after months of him badgering me to quit, I did.  I was so afraid to.  I love the environment and the family that owns it are AMAZING to work for.  I had to put all of that aside and put my family first.  You know something I am really enjoying spending those Sundays with my family.  I now try to get all of the week-end "work" done on Friday.  Things like washing the floors, laundry, changing beds and tidying.  This means that on the week-end we can spend our free time together and it is really nice.

I had also started teaching a yoga class on Sunday mornings.  The timing worked and did not really eat into our family time too much.  I taught this class for six weeks and decided that it was not for me.  I had one person coming, which is not enough.  The owner asked if I would switch the type of class and I said no.  It felt good to do that too.  There were a few issues, one is that I was not making enough money to make it worth while.  I teach yoga because I love yoga, but at the same time I need to make a little bit of money.  Especially if I am to be away from my family for a couple of hours.  The other small issue was that I had to prepare a snack for the class to share when class was over.  This is probably what was costing me the extra.  I barely have time to cook and bake for my three children some days, let alone for strangers who may not show up.  For these reasons I have decided to let this class go.  It has been difficult for me to say no.  Again the difficulty lies in the fact that I love the centre and the woman who owns it is lovely.  I just need to put my needs first I guess.  I am sure that as one door closes another will open.

I am looking towards the Fall in planning my schedule.  I am wondering if there will be more things that I need to let go of.  I want to be home with my family in the evening.  Not just being home for dinner and then leaving to go and teach a class.  I want to be more a part of their routine at night.  I feel as if I am missing out.  I say that but I am still home with them from 2:30 when they are done school until 6pm when I leave to teach.  I know many working parents don't even get to spend that much time with their kids.  When we decided I would be a stay at home mom it was so I could be involved in their lives.  I am seeing as they are getting older that they are slowly slipping away and it happens so fast.  My fear is that they will become adults and I will wonder where the time went.  Being present in every moment with my children is what I want for them and for me.  Not present just for the time we have for now.  As doors to my professional life close, I think the many doors to my family life will open.

Hari Om,

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