Thursday, November 25, 2010

Letting Go...

I am noticing a pattern with some of my blog posts as well as some of the philosophy of yoga that I love - non-attachment.  I guess it's because I am not very good at it.  I wish I could be but so far not so great.  Sure I can get rid of clothes that don't fit so well or shoes that I don't love.  But sentimental items that belonged to my grandmothers or were given to me by some long lost relative or friend I could do better.  Recently the big one that keeps coming up for me is old relationships.

I am of an age where I have had lots of different kinds of relationships in my life.  Friends, lovers, colleagues that kind of thing.  I don't let go of friends or ex's very well.  I am one of those people in a relationship who when she says "let's stay friends" I meant it and hold to it.  My boyfriend from high school/university and I still chat with each other every couple of months and I love that.  I was genuinely excited for him when he told me his and his girlfriend were having a baby and then a while later when they got engaged.  I still hold a spot in my heart for him and want to know and hear that he is happy and doing well.  I have another old boyfriend that I speak to every so many months and it is great.  We chat on the phone as if there hasn't been many years, children and relationships that have happened.  Again I am happy for him when he is happy and sad for him when he is sad.  Both of these men hold a certain place for me and I can't fully let it go.

I have had as any grown ups do friendships that have ended either because of circumstances or deliberately and I think about them often.  It bothers me that a relationship that has been nurtured, cared for, laughed over, cried with and been silly with would end.  These are the people that you can't call and say - "hey wanna grab a coffee".  These are the ones I can't let go of.  I have one in particular that ended almost 5 years ago.  We were great friends and lives an priorities changed and along with it our personalities and other things.  Within that a misunderstanding and very different perspectives on what happened.  I have tried so many things to let this person go.  I have meditated, I have cried, I have written letters never to be sent, I have imagined saying goodbye, I have sent them loving kindness (this actually worked for a couple of months).  Something happens, either a song or a photograph or a mutual acquaintance will ask how they are and boom - I feel like I am at square one. 

Stuff is easy to let go of.  I can give it away, throw it out or donate it.  Feelings, emotions and relationships - those are hard.


Monday, November 22, 2010

Eating Habits

I'm trying to get on track with the way me and my family eat.  I think this would fall under the bramacharya ideal.  Moderation as well as the ahimsa since I follow a vegetarian diet (95%) of the time. 

I recently said to my partner that I had noticed since we moved to our new house that our eating habits weren't as good as they used to be.  He noticed it too and thought that it seemed to coincide with moving, closing my day care and the car accident.  Three major events in my life caused me to stop meal planning and cooking.  Now when I say we haven't been eating as well we aren't gorging ourselves on junk food and pop.  We just aren't as conscious about how we eat and what.

I used to be really great and at the end of the week I would meal plan everything for the next week.  This made grocery shopping easy, cheap and left the guess work out of "what are we going to eat today".  I always knew when something had to be taken from the freezer or extra made to use as leftovers.  For the last year or so it has been a throw together of whatever we have.  I skip meals or eat the same thing day after day - which is often toast!  I lived on toast for years when I was single... "do you KNOW how many things to you can do with toast"!!!  At lunch time I make nice nutritious and delicious meals for my kids and I have toast or a handful of nuts and maybe some chocolate chips for energy.  Oh and I am constantly sucking back a mug of some kind of tea - herbal or non. 

So I have decided to put a stop to the eating on the fly.  I meal planned for this week and we will see how it goes.  The kids really liked lunch and so did I.  Supper was not a huge hit, but I liked it.  Let's see how tomorrow goes.  I can say there is something comforting in knowing that the next meal is not a mystery.  I have everything to make it and I can even prepare some things in advance.  This makes a busy mom of three, who runs a home day care (again) and her own small business (prenatal), cooking/eating life so much easier.  Oh and healthier too!  Less waste and cost effective - win win I think!


Monday, November 8, 2010

Cleaning the space

For those who have known me really well and have been into my bedroom they will quickly see that I love clothes.  I love new clothes, I love old clothes, I love clothes that have sentimental meaning, I love clothes that are comfortable, I love clothes that are vintage and clothes that look good and even some that don't.  Well I am starting to let go.

For those of you who read an earlier post about my painting woes this still continues but before we paint we must purge!  Yes!  Purge!  I painted my dinning room and there was not much stuff in there to get rid of.  I had some items on my buffet to sort through and put away and some papers to throw away but not much.  What do you keep in a hall way - nothing so nothing to get rid of there.  Our family room was pretty much the same it contains a treadmill, a sofa, a small table and kids chairs and two small shelves with kids toys and art stuff.  Not much purging there - but a bit of re-organizing.  I will be painting our basement and bedrooms soon so I let the purging BEGin...

I started in my closet.  I love my closet, I sand the praises of my closet when we bought this house.  It is a rather modest walk in with lovely shelves and racks and drawers for all my things.  The problem was that I had so many things in this walk in that it was more of a walk around.  I was RUTHLESS!  If I hadn't worn it in a couple of years, it was stained, faded or just plain yucky and out of style I threw it in the pile.  I had pants I bought when I was pregnant for my first of three children that I loved.  They served me well through three pregnancies and with the handy drawstring waist through three post-partum periods - done - and gone.  I had t-shirts that I have owned and been wearing since high school!  Yes high school, I am not 17 anymore - add about 20 years!  GONE!  I had skirts and sweaters from styles gone in the late 80's early 90's GONE!  It started to feel so good I went into my extra dresser.  Yes I have two dressers.  Again I was ruthless, if it didn't fit right, never fit right, and was never going to fit right I got rid of it!  If it was not pretty and I did not love it, I got rid of it!  I even discovered some things I thought I had thrown away that fit now and are lovely - that was a treat!  By the time I was done our hallway was a HUGE pile of clothing.  My husband came up and ask "what is all of this".  He was so excited that he joined in the fun and added a few things.  When we were all said and done we had 2 extra large garbage bags of clothing to donate. 

I was so excited and felt so free.  I could see all the spaces in my closet.  I could see all the clothes that I love and want to wear.  I did still hold on to a few things.  I have a sweater that is old and ratty but it was my mom's and I love it.  I have another sweater that I have worn once but it was my grandmothers and it smells like her.  I did keep a few suits because I never know if I might go back to that kind of job again.  My favorite little black dress... I honestly think it might fit again very soon and I LOVE this dress and it's matching shoes and purse! 

Now I feel ready to paint our bedroom but what colour and when.  I may even be content to keep it as is.  I now feel like purging the rest of our house.  I did a bit in the kitchen today and want to tackle our basement next.  Funny thing is, when I look around I don't see that much clutter but when I dig deep I find it.  I think the mind is very similar.  When I look on the surface of what I think is me and how I am and think everything seems quite normal and even.  Then I dig deep through yoga practice and mediation and realize that there is a lot of clutter and un-necessary things that need to be swept out.  Dealt with, managed, come to terms with and tossed.  The freedom from cleaning our physical space, can be paralleled with cleaning our mental space. 

Have you cleaned your space lately?

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Yoga and Kids

I used to think of my yoga practice as a time that I could be on my own.  Now that I am a busy mother of three with a regular practice it is simply time.  I was practicing in my space yesterday morning and it was good.  You know when you get into the groove and the practice just flows.  You don't have to think about the postures they just happen.  Your body is feeling good and it moves with your mind.  If you haven't experienced this yet, don't worry with lots of practice you will.

Where was I...  oh yes my lovely flowing practice...  My middle child Reilly wanders into the living room and starts jumping around.  Of my three children he has the most energy.  He stands in one spot and bounces regularly and I love it.  If he were a Pooh character he would definitely be Tigger!  I try my first step at shooing him away to no avail.  So then I get him doing some postures - he is usually good for two or three and then he gets bored.  It was time for me to get on the floor.  Now Reilly thinks it is time to wrestle and be silly.  I think to myself, how can I use this to my advantage.  He now becomes a wonderful support in my practice.  Some of those forward folds and child's pose are enhanced with a bit of weight so I tell him where to sit or lie down and it is perfect.  He is laughing and giggling over how silly this is and I am getting some great adjustments and help at getting deeper into my posters.  We are also having so much fun together!

My next thought is how do I get a nice little savasana in here?  With bouncy giggly Reilly this might be impossible but let's be present and try.  So I lie on the floor and have him on top of me so he too is facing up.  I tell him to pretend he is a sleep and to try to be absolutely still.  He was loving the rise and fall of my belly and how it made him rise and fall too.  His arms were wide open and unsupported and he thought that this was fun.  I loved that we were having a little bonding moment in our savasana.  Not as relaxing as it normally is but I loved it just the same.

Practice with your kids around.  You never know what you might learn.