Tuesday, February 2, 2010

I did it!!!!

I recently read this little book called Smiling at Fear - Awakening the True Heart of Bravery by Chogyam Trungpa a meditation master and great teacher.  I very short but interesting read about finding your inner warrior.  Looking fear in the face and saying "so what"!!!   It is about fear in every day life not in the warrior battle sense but more the warrior in daily living.  At first I was thinking what the hell is this guy talking about but then when I really read the words I got it!!  And I liked it!!
This week-end after one of my yoga written exams I was outside speaking with one of our teachers.  We got on the subject of head stand.  Some love it some hate it and yes some even fear it!  The problem with head stand is that it is rarely taught in most hatha classes and only in the intermediate to advanced Ashtanga classes.  I have been fortunate that several of my teachers have taught it so I am practiced at it and quite like it.  I like it, but I fear it!  I told my teacher that I still practice head stand near a wall.  It has been a long time since I have fallen over but the wall is there for me just in case.  My teacher said she no longer teaches head stand against a wall because of that, people become dependent and then what happens. 

So today I decided to become the warrior.  I thought to myself close the end of practice when I often do a headstand.  No I am not going to move my mat to where I would normally do head stand.  Yes I was afraid, but I thought "fear, so what".  What is the worst that could happen.  I know that if I start to tip I can just come down, if I start to tip the other way I will roll forward.  I checked my neck, checked my shoulders and slowly went up.  I did not fall, I was not scared I felt AMAZING!!!  I would equate the excitement I felt with that of a child who first realizes that their mom or dad is no longer holding on to the back of their bike and they are riding by themselves with no training wheels.  I felt free!  Of course then when I realized how excited I was, no unlike that child on the bike, I got a little bit more excited and started to tip over.  I did not fall, I slowly lowered my legs.  Assumed the position of child's pose and relaxed and was so happy that I did it!  I faced fear and said "so what". 

I look forward to the upcoming days, weeks and even months when I am faced with fear and can say again "so what, go away, I don't need you right now". 

Om Shanti,

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