Can we ever have the "perfect practice"? If so what is that, what does it look like, what does it feel like? I am a person who is always striving to improve. I want to be a better mother, a better yoga teacher, better belly dancer, a better prenatal teacher and just a better person. This conflicts with being present sometimes. I want to accept myself today for who I am and how I am, how I am feeling, how I am teaching how I am practicing.
I am the constant student I flip flop from one thing to another and always back again. I have been belly dancing on and off for about 6 years and this has improved my yoga practice immensely. I have learned through belly dancing to practice with joy. I have learned different ways that my body can move and flow. I also love the costumes but that has little place in yoga. In music I also flip flop back and forth from learning to play the guitar to leaving it be, to getting really into my hand drums and leaving them for months at a time, to really getting the hang of my zills (finger cymbals) and letting them go. But again the music has helped me pick really great music for yoga and has helped me find and enjoy music that I may otherwise not have listened to. I repeat it again, bringing more joy into my life.
I have been teaching yoga on and off for about 6 years now and am currently embarking on an additional teacher training but will it ever be enough. I will finally be certified but now I am looking at what the next teacher training will be. I want to train in India with Vishnu and Chetena a couple whose birth I attended 3 years ago. I love their approach but it will be expensive and "un-necessary". I want to attend another teacher training at the ashram in Quebec that I love but again it will be expensive and would mean a month away from my family. It seems sometimes a matter of need versus want. I don't need to learn more I just want more. I have found in my personal experience that it is not enough for me to learn and to do something well, I need to perfect it and be able to teach it to others. It just never ends. Maybe that's what I love so much about yoga, between the physical aspects and the philosophy as well as the meditative, yoga has so many layers that I can never learn it all. Maybe my practice will never be perfect, maybe it will be but this is the lesson - it is as good as it is going to get today, in the present moment where I am now - maybe that is the perfection?
The improvement that I make in my learning enriches me and my life but I can't help but question... will it ever be enough. Will I ever learn to be present and accept... or will I always be searching for more.